Duly elected or appointed authority I have no problem with. Authority of my elders (read parents) I have no problem with. In situations where the authority is self appointed, and unable to be questioned and receive an answer is quite problematic.
Our President, I have no problem with.
The law enforcement and Police, I have no problem with.
Immortal Pirate, I have no problem with.
No other person sets rules and laws to guide me and I have no issues.
Now the Baha’i community of Avondale? The issue was one member saying, “You WILL go to ________________.” Really? I will go only if I want to and Immortal Pirate and I have nothing else planned —— and NOT during this weeks OUTLANDER!!!! Once I stated that to her, she changed to, “If you want to go to _____________, it is on __________ at ______.”
@ladybarbara
Presumption of authority is an interesting one. My first thought was that I too would have an issue with it.
Until I remembered a very public accident scene, where nothing was getting done and danger was increasing. I presumed authority and found myself very glad that everyone complied. Including a police officer who in the chaos I had not seen. I had been attending injuries in only saw a pair of pants and boots standing close by. I told him to organize some people to stamp down the Devils Club in the area so the ambulance gurnee could get in.
I later apologize for not recognizing and submitting to his superior authority. He said that he saw no reason to exert his authority over top of my own as I had been doing fine. And with a laugh he added, ” I don’t have authority issues”
It takes time to adjust from being the parent of a baby, to the parent if an adolescent to the parent if an adult.
I literally have no authority over my two sons that I write pay cheques to. I ask them to do things, not tell them.
My wife has developed this technique of making me feel like I am deciding on a course of action that is the direction she has already decided to pursue. She has been doing this so long that I have just started asking, what did you have in mind first and just going with the flow.
However, when I am confronted by demanding people, other than my family; my heels dig in and I become quite the anti-socialite. People who suggest, versus demand, will always get a respectful response.
i like to do things my own way, within boundaries and with respect to policy and procedure. that is why i do better as a team leader than a follow the leader :D because i know what i am capable of and what lies within allows me to do the job as well but sometimes in my own way… best for me is when the job calls for an independent worker. ive always been like this but mothering has taught me this is a strength if done with the right attitude. i like to find my own way through things. i like to say yep i see that now im going to go ahead and get there this different way, that is just as good as the other way but is how i see it going.
so on occasion authority (big boss faces) see me doing something different and there are raised eye brows. but i dont cross lines that oughtnt to be crossed, because i am a grown arsed woman who respects and understands why things are in place. but if i see a good reason to do it different, i will …
@griz mmm sometimes? i dont really run into exercised authority often. when i did get called in to managements office once to call me out on some things that werent being done right, they didnt realize they had the wrong girl, literally. they listed off my flaws and i pointed out that they were in fact someone elses flaws. in that moment i was reeling. im sure my face was tight, and red. i was nervous walking into that room, because i need my job ! but when i left i was spinning, mad that they didnt even know who their staff were, mad that i was taking crap for someone else. laughing that they missed a few things they couldve put me in place for.
so in the face of authority, i either respect it or find a way to be on as equal ground as i can with it. this has been a process. anyone ‘over’ me in the past had a different effect. i used to cower inside like a child afraid. now i guess i am more assertive, and i think my self awareness means i am more steady.
small example. the pool on our block. all summer we were used to a certain set of rules. then the life guard was replaced and the rules changed. i respected but negotiated. thats how i am under authority. respectful but not afraid to say my piece if its ok to do so.
@BelleMadre
How one deals with authority is an indicator of maturity. And maturity links with taking responsibility for one’s self and accepting the consequences of one’s actions.
Something children need to be taught to do. And it’s interesting how many adults seem to have not received this training.
Another thought is that if we are behaving responsibly within the framework of society, we rarely run into the exercise of authority over us!
@griz
this is true. i agree.
i grew up in a Very authoritative home. pain and humiliation. but lets not go there.
what that taught me was fear. of everyone basically. ive healed much over the years. enough to know i have a mind to make up.
i have been The Boss. i was lenient, and like i do now, i took on more of the work so it was easier on my coworkers. that idea of independent work appeals to me because of this. id rather know what i need to do and make it happen.
i have a boss who i want to please, because he is much easier to work with/for when we are both happy. also, i respect him. he is very professional. a world that is not like mine. but maybe that is part of growing up. wanting to clean up my act more all the time.
in school i tried to fly beneath the radar. and then when i was older i didnt bother with radar at all. maybe that is the introvert in me. ill do it my way as long as my way doesnt show up on the radar :D and ill mop the dang cobwebs off the door ways when i have to do the evening shift, so the manager doesnt have to remind me, because if its done, well, its done and then if others dont do it, well, its done and i dont have to hear it . (grumble grumble lol) babbling but the point is in there somewhere :)
@BelleMadre
Flying under the radar sometimes works. But few guys want to be caught permanently flying low!
Authority is a difficult issue, complicated by ego. It takes a very wise parent to walk an authority line that is ” just enough” without being “too much”.
The problem right now seems to be that we have let our fear of “too much”, politically-correct us into not nearly enough.
Sometimes none at all.
Leading to batches of spoiled entitled child-adults who melt down when they have their first encounters with authority that says “no!”; and backs it up with adult consequence.
@griz as much as i like to do my own thing, i have an ingrained response to try to please people who i know have a tendency to give a hard time otherwise. i think this relates more to relationship history. and that is something i can at least recognize. thing is it does make me a good employee because i strive to do things best i can. which makes boss happy, which keeps my environment positive.
so its in balance i guess. doing things my way + doing things the best way i can. sometimes i see that someone else is right. :D
what i also see a lot is people who might think they are doing their own thing or doing things their way, when in fact what they are doing is less than their job. not doing it is different than doing it their own way. and so they get spoken to and spooked and defensive. i guess its about maturity, no matter the age.
@BelleMadre
Someone being inflexible is perfect opportunity to exercise my flexibility!
Sometimes letting them win is the wisest course.
Sometimes letting them THINK they won is the wisest course!
And sometimes calling them on their BS is the wisest course.
There’s a very old saying that goes, “Both sand and water are heavy burdens. But letting yourself get provoked by a fool is heavier than both!”
I’m also recognizing a difference between “what is wisest” and just “what is easiest”!
Participation with others always takes more effort than just disassociating from them. And I’m mindful that a disassociated people or society . . . is a very weak one, ripe for conquest by whatever organized (associated) forces might come along.
@griz i dont think of myself as a conformist, or normal for that matter. i am not criminal but i am a rule bender. but then i go to work and face down people who skirt the rules to the point where they arent doing their job and i go through so much inner blending. argh!
side note. a bit of an ethics question. where is the line, you know? between knowing you can get something done a different way, vs not bothering to do it because you dont think you should. oooooo what managers must go through!
15 responses to “Authority issues”
Duly elected or appointed authority I have no problem with. Authority of my elders (read parents) I have no problem with. In situations where the authority is self appointed, and unable to be questioned and receive an answer is quite problematic.
Our President, I have no problem with.
The law enforcement and Police, I have no problem with.
Immortal Pirate, I have no problem with.
No other person sets rules and laws to guide me and I have no issues.
Now the Baha’i community of Avondale? The issue was one member saying, “You WILL go to ________________.” Really? I will go only if I want to and Immortal Pirate and I have nothing else planned —— and NOT during this weeks OUTLANDER!!!! Once I stated that to her, she changed to, “If you want to go to _____________, it is on __________ at ______.”
@ladybarbara
Presumption of authority is an interesting one. My first thought was that I too would have an issue with it.
Until I remembered a very public accident scene, where nothing was getting done and danger was increasing. I presumed authority and found myself very glad that everyone complied. Including a police officer who in the chaos I had not seen. I had been attending injuries in only saw a pair of pants and boots standing close by. I told him to organize some people to stamp down the Devils Club in the area so the ambulance gurnee could get in.
I later apologize for not recognizing and submitting to his superior authority. He said that he saw no reason to exert his authority over top of my own as I had been doing fine. And with a laugh he added, ” I don’t have authority issues”
It takes time to adjust from being the parent of a baby, to the parent if an adolescent to the parent if an adult.
I literally have no authority over my two sons that I write pay cheques to. I ask them to do things, not tell them.
My wife has developed this technique of making me feel like I am deciding on a course of action that is the direction she has already decided to pursue. She has been doing this so long that I have just started asking, what did you have in mind first and just going with the flow.
However, when I am confronted by demanding people, other than my family; my heels dig in and I become quite the anti-socialite. People who suggest, versus demand, will always get a respectful response.
i like to do things my own way, within boundaries and with respect to policy and procedure. that is why i do better as a team leader than a follow the leader :D because i know what i am capable of and what lies within allows me to do the job as well but sometimes in my own way… best for me is when the job calls for an independent worker. ive always been like this but mothering has taught me this is a strength if done with the right attitude. i like to find my own way through things. i like to say yep i see that now im going to go ahead and get there this different way, that is just as good as the other way but is how i see it going.
so on occasion authority (big boss faces) see me doing something different and there are raised eye brows. but i dont cross lines that oughtnt to be crossed, because i am a grown arsed woman who respects and understands why things are in place. but if i see a good reason to do it different, i will …
@BelleMadre
But do you chafe under someone else’s exercised authority?
@griz mmm sometimes? i dont really run into exercised authority often. when i did get called in to managements office once to call me out on some things that werent being done right, they didnt realize they had the wrong girl, literally. they listed off my flaws and i pointed out that they were in fact someone elses flaws. in that moment i was reeling. im sure my face was tight, and red. i was nervous walking into that room, because i need my job ! but when i left i was spinning, mad that they didnt even know who their staff were, mad that i was taking crap for someone else. laughing that they missed a few things they couldve put me in place for.
so in the face of authority, i either respect it or find a way to be on as equal ground as i can with it. this has been a process. anyone ‘over’ me in the past had a different effect. i used to cower inside like a child afraid. now i guess i am more assertive, and i think my self awareness means i am more steady.
small example. the pool on our block. all summer we were used to a certain set of rules. then the life guard was replaced and the rules changed. i respected but negotiated. thats how i am under authority. respectful but not afraid to say my piece if its ok to do so.
wow. ive come a long way!
@BelleMadre
How one deals with authority is an indicator of maturity. And maturity links with taking responsibility for one’s self and accepting the consequences of one’s actions.
Something children need to be taught to do. And it’s interesting how many adults seem to have not received this training.
Another thought is that if we are behaving responsibly within the framework of society, we rarely run into the exercise of authority over us!
@griz
this is true. i agree.
i grew up in a Very authoritative home. pain and humiliation. but lets not go there.
what that taught me was fear. of everyone basically. ive healed much over the years. enough to know i have a mind to make up.
i have been The Boss. i was lenient, and like i do now, i took on more of the work so it was easier on my coworkers. that idea of independent work appeals to me because of this. id rather know what i need to do and make it happen.
i have a boss who i want to please, because he is much easier to work with/for when we are both happy. also, i respect him. he is very professional. a world that is not like mine. but maybe that is part of growing up. wanting to clean up my act more all the time.
in school i tried to fly beneath the radar. and then when i was older i didnt bother with radar at all. maybe that is the introvert in me. ill do it my way as long as my way doesnt show up on the radar :D and ill mop the dang cobwebs off the door ways when i have to do the evening shift, so the manager doesnt have to remind me, because if its done, well, its done and then if others dont do it, well, its done and i dont have to hear it . (grumble grumble lol) babbling but the point is in there somewhere :)
@BelleMadre
Flying under the radar sometimes works. But few guys want to be caught permanently flying low!
Authority is a difficult issue, complicated by ego. It takes a very wise parent to walk an authority line that is ” just enough” without being “too much”.
The problem right now seems to be that we have let our fear of “too much”, politically-correct us into not nearly enough.
Sometimes none at all.
Leading to batches of spoiled entitled child-adults who melt down when they have their first encounters with authority that says “no!”; and backs it up with adult consequence.
@griz as much as i like to do my own thing, i have an ingrained response to try to please people who i know have a tendency to give a hard time otherwise. i think this relates more to relationship history. and that is something i can at least recognize. thing is it does make me a good employee because i strive to do things best i can. which makes boss happy, which keeps my environment positive.
so its in balance i guess. doing things my way + doing things the best way i can. sometimes i see that someone else is right. :D
what i also see a lot is people who might think they are doing their own thing or doing things their way, when in fact what they are doing is less than their job. not doing it is different than doing it their own way. and so they get spoken to and spooked and defensive. i guess its about maturity, no matter the age.
@BelleMadre
Someone being inflexible is perfect opportunity to exercise my flexibility!
Sometimes letting them win is the wisest course.
Sometimes letting them THINK they won is the wisest course!
And sometimes calling them on their BS is the wisest course.
There’s a very old saying that goes, “Both sand and water are heavy burdens. But letting yourself get provoked by a fool is heavier than both!”
I’m also recognizing a difference between “what is wisest” and just “what is easiest”!
Participation with others always takes more effort than just disassociating from them. And I’m mindful that a disassociated people or society . . . is a very weak one, ripe for conquest by whatever organized (associated) forces might come along.
@griz i dont think of myself as a conformist, or normal for that matter. i am not criminal but i am a rule bender. but then i go to work and face down people who skirt the rules to the point where they arent doing their job and i go through so much inner blending. argh!
side note. a bit of an ethics question. where is the line, you know? between knowing you can get something done a different way, vs not bothering to do it because you dont think you should. oooooo what managers must go through!
@BelleMadre
For what it’s worth, I’ve never thought of you as normal either!
@griz PERFECT!
