Have you ever had a moment of absolute personal crisis (that you’d care to talk about) where you’ve had to face that the person you thought you were was totally annihilated or rendered an invalid fabrication by the reality of a situation? A moment when you realized that who you thought you were, was totally shattered and you had to rebuild?
I’ve had my share, but one of the most memorable was when I had no choice but to face the reality that my childhood had been one of abuse, and a deceased parental figure was not who I had “constructed” them to be. And that meant that I was not who I thought I was. It was actually all rather messy and distasteful, painful and for a long while psychologically deconstructive. A lot of second-guessing of basic values, perspectives and foundational psyche principles was going on.
This is deep personal stuff, and I’m not asking anyone to expose or publicly deconstruct themselves on open forum.
But I think there is value both for self and beyond, to contemplate this: looking both at examples of how people have overcome such a devastating psychological blow, and speculating how we might handle such a situation in our own life.
(PS, sorry for the impression of “flooding the front-page”. A prolonged wait for a load, nasty weather, and good wifi created this flood of posts! Hopefully they are worthy food for thought and interaction!)
© 2026 – SoulSequel
8 responses to “Comprehensive Personality Overhauls”
I am a very patient and calm person who tolerates a lot before I get angry. On the way to angry, the warning light is that I get snippy and throw verbal darts. Snippy gets sharp, then I pick up my purse and walk away. I put distance between myself and the person I am angry at. If the unsuspecting dolt calls me on the phone, wondering why I left, they will get shrieking rage from me. I am pissed and I am not returning until I can calm the hell down and talk in sane sentences. That is usual for me.
It comes from years of living with abusive mother and husbands that would not allow me to have anger —- If I got angry at them, they beat me to a pulp for expressing my feelings. I had to hold so much rage inside, until I learned to walk away and have my rage at a safe distance.
Then, there was a night that I snapped. Where I worked, my husband was my boss. After work, he went to a bar to get drunk, while I hurried home to clean up the house and fix dinner. Dinner was to be hot and ready when my husband came through that door. Dinner was hot and ready as he came up the driveway. I used a broom to erase my footprints from the vacuum prints on the carpet. Everything was perfect. On this night, my husband was fault finding and wanting a fight. He said the house wasn’t clean and I knew it was. Even the tops of the doors were dusted. Then he lifted and moved the TV and found dust!!!
I went back to the kitchen to stir the stew on the stove. He started to rage at me and I threw a hot pan of stew at him. He wanted me to refill the karosine heater with karosine. To get out of his reach —- because he was now enraged and covered with hot stew — I went outside to the karosine can. Now in my own rage, I poured the karosine all around the perimeter of the house and shouted that I was going to set the house on fire. We were shouting at each other and a neighbor called the local Sheriff. As the Sheriff’s car pulled up, I was splashing my husband with the karosine and telling him that I was going to set him on FIRE!!! I went into the house to get a lighter.
Meanwhile, my husband saw the Sheriff and he calmed down. The Sheriff asked what was happening here. My husband said in a calm voice, “Well, my wife has doused me in karosine and she is going to set me on fire.” At that moment, I came out with a Bic lighter and shrieked, “I’M GOING TO SET YOU ON FIRE!!!” The Sheriff handcuffed me and shoved me in his cop car. I went to the local jail. I had to promise to not go home and to go get a motel room and not talk to my husband until I could reason like a normal person. My husband had me as angry as I get and I snapped. I got an apartment and left him.
I learned to get away from the angry situation. There is no reason to get so angry that I go insane with anger. It is easier to walk away and …… Let it go! Calm down before returning and talking it over like a sane person. I changed my life situation and will not choose a partner with a fiery temper that clashes with my own.
Nowadays, Immortal Pirate and I can talk in normal voices and the anger never needs to happen. We have a good relationship. Besides, I’m too old for all that drama and insanity.
@ladybarbara Ditto…
What? Y’mean like writing in the voice & parroting someone that tought me?
No, I’ve never had a thing like you & Jordan Peterson™.
@luftballooneyegouge
No, that’s not what I meant.
Others have gotten the gist.
Maybe follow their lead?
@griz
That’s what I meant.
I’m not here to fill your goblet.
@luftballooneyegouge
Have your only experiences been with people who have been wanting to wring something out of you for their own benefit?
If so, I can see how such a thing would make someone cautious and skeptical.
I think mine occurred the summer before I started college. It was precipitated by high school where I felt like a total loser. Up to about the end of primary school I was popular enough to feel accepted. I’d been voted into areas of self perceived responsibility. I got good grades.I felt like my parents were proud of me.
Then high school started after a move. Then after grade ten started, another move. I never really got a lot of traction and if there is a A clique; I was in F. The summer after graduation I looked at me and said “No thanks” I chose who I was going to be going forward and faked it until a even had myself convinced that I was this “new” person.
After I reached a certain point I began to wonder if the act had become real, or if I was just fooling myself. Things changed for me when I just took on a wth attitude and just accepted that I is what I is.
@spitfire3dc
Sometimes “good acting” can be a valid step in training ourselves into better behaviors. So long as it doesn’t become the one and only step! A lot of people walk this one out.
I’ve had cases similar to yours where I faced the same conundrum. At the time I thought “You’re just fooling yourself” and started off on a perceived different path. But in hindsight, I think the time spent acting it out actually helped me and directed me towards the next step that made the act a reality.