Death of my mother

On Feb 18, 2020, my mom died. As a child, she had multiple bouts of rheumatic fever and pneumonia. It got so bad that they told her that if she had another episode, she’d die. As time went on, she met my father, consequently marrying him after he was drafted for the Viet Nam war and was released due to his injury. After a few years of marriage, my brother was born, then went on she’d get diabetes when she was pregnant with my sister (who died at 6 hours old) – a disease that never went away. Then I was born. A few years after this, my dad was laid off from the factory he was working at and was underemployed for basically a decade. At some point during all this, she was diagnosed with high blood pressure, a condition which she kept more or less under control for most of her life. Then the last 2-3 years she’s had it pretty rough. First, she fell and broke her wrist. After that healed (well as much as it would because it healed improperly due to the fact that she ignored the pain for like 3 weeks). Then when she was getting back to swimming she developed chronic venous insufficiency, resulting in a leaky wound that prevented her from going swimming. My dad massaged her legs on a daily basis… sometimes multiple times a day and she was on the mend. Five months ago she fell again, and she never quite regained her full mobility. About three weeks ago she caught a cold, which would later cause her heart to go into arrhythmia (classified as a heart attack). My brother and father found my mom unresponsive. She tried to get up but leaned back for about five minutes. They called 911 and the paramedics did CPR to her and rushed her to the hospital. They put her in a medically induced coma, and by the time she came out, she had severe brain damage. They were looking for a range of 8-13, and he had a 2-3. She had a DNR – ‘Do not resuscitate’ order for her living will which balanced 3 factors
1. quality of life
2. likelihood of a full recovery
3. cost of treatment
The decision was made to remove her life support and before the doctors could do it, she came around long enough to squeeze my hand goodbye, and what made her…. her was gone. The doctors came in and disconnected her breathing tubes and within 2 hours 18 minutes, she died.
You don’t know the level of pain a person can to go through until you have to WATCH your mother die! All those doctors, all the medical “EXPERTS”… and they could do **nothing**

I know it will be OK, but for now, it’s really rough, and might be for a long while.

Just thought I’d update everyone on here.

Peace.

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Responses

  1. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like your Mom lived a full life, even with health issues. Who will take care of your Dad? I’ll bet it is you. I know that life will go on for you. Put one foot in front of the other and press on with each day. Let yourself grieve. You do have friends on this forum. Find the strength. You are in our prayers.

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    1. @ladybarbara I will try as I can, but I have to it a bit remotely. I’m going to need to look into a transfer to my home town, but there are several interconnecting factors that will determine the speed of which I’m going to be doing this:
      1. If my home town even HAS any openings
      2. If I can get to the places where they have the openings. I don’t drive so that tho
      3. If I’m approved for a transfer.
      4. My dad’s health
      5. MY health

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      1. @Jear77 Wow! It looks like you had finally gotten out and on your own —– and now you would be sucked back in. Is there anyone taking care of your Dad right now? If he has someone, or if he can do this on his own, then you wouldn’t have to rush. But, in the end, something will need to be done with his house. Either you move in and take over, or it gets sold and you and your brother pay off debts and taxes, and split the rest. It sounds like you are just getting independent. It all depends on how well your Dad is doing. Your Mom was your “rock” and kept life balanced. Without her, the family has to re-balance.

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      2. @ladybarbara The problem is I don’t trust my brother. The will is set up in such a way that all taxes, bills, have to be paid… in addition to the upkeep of the house 3-4 months after my dad dies. I’ve said on here repeatedly, he’s an alcoholic. Since I was on last he got arrested for lewd conduct in a public park. With a legal age guy (better than the alternative, but still… look at my brother’s age and look at his…). They were going to bring up all his prior criminal activity and really “throw the book” at him. His lawyers showed that their process for doing so was faulty. He’s out, on probation. But as terms of his parole, he has to get counseling… which is difficult because he has no money, no job. My mom’s funeral was on the day he was supposed to visit his parole officer, so he had to bring documentation as far as what was happening.

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      3. @Jear77 That is a problem!!! Well, when the time comes that something has to be done, I hope your brother is able to help handle things. There will be furniture that has to be sold, or given away, and bills to be paid. The house needs to be cleared to be sold. It is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility.

        When I sold my house in California to move to Arizona, the amount of work was crazy!!! I had a house full of furniture and belongings. I was moving to a house that was already full of Immortal Pirate’s furniture and belongings. I had to get rid of 90% of my stuff. I walked friends and neighbors through my house and let them have whatever they wanted. That reduced a lot of the furniture. Lucky for me that many friends and neighbor were greedy and my place got emptied out. It is not easy work to get rid of a house full of stuff.

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear about this. I haven’t heard from you in a while, I hope things otherwise have been going well for you.

    Though most of us are hundreds of miles away, know that you can find comfort and a listening ear with us. Take time to work through your emotions and when you’re ready, you and your dad and brother can begin to work on your relationships and plan for the future.

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  3. Whatever is up there, though sometimes a dick, is making sure her soul still looks out for you and will be safe from now on bud. Take care my good man.

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