In fact, this week I have met some new friends. I wanted to know what they do for a living. I wanted to know what city they live in. Then I wanted to know if they had kids, and the ages of the kids. It was all in assessing how good a match we would make as friends. I would like to go out and have dinner, or lunch, but I would avoid friends that have a small child that they have to bring along. I met someone who is Immortal Pirate’s age and she wants to go out and go shopping and have dinner sometimes. We both garden and love cooking. Her kids are adults.
This is interesting. I have begun to wonder if i have made a mistake becoming involved with a man who has a small child. Different life stations, i ‘spose.
We have tried having a nice restaurant dinner with another couple and they brought their 18 month old baby. All through dinner the baby cried and hacked with a cold. The kid walked around on the seats eating food with his hands, wanting to touch his parents food and throw what food displeased him. He had snot running down his face and into his mother’s food. We could not have a conversation that was not interrupted by the child’s screams and his parents having to shush and calm him. I spent that dinner hour cringing when the child screamed and guarding my plate while I ate. The coughing in our food and running snot nose had me gagging while trying to be social.
This week, I went to a prayer meeting where two sets of parents brought 2 year olds that cried, screamed, threw toys around and made it so that the parents could not fully participate in the meeting, or have a conversation. It is simply too hard for me to enjoy the company with small uncontrollable children around.
It is the same with trying to have a visit with my cousin that has a Malamute dog that gets vocal. My cousin stops in the middle of sentences to answer her dog’s whines, moans, and growls.
Being in love with a man who has a small child might cut into the intimacy of moments with him. As a couple, the child would be in-part your interest, too. If the relationship gets serious, you two have this child together. Marriage would find you being a step-mother to the child. That has it’s own complications if there is an ex-wife who is the child’s #1 mother and you are #2 to a child who keeps being antagonistic with, “You’re not my Mommy.” I have had 3 marriages to husbands that had kids and I was the step-mother. I had to be humble and know when to step back and take the insults of not being the #1 parent in a situation where the child needed correcting. Then there were the intentional hurts when the child puts you in your #2 place.
For me, I took the snubs and hurts with quiet patience. I did as I always do. I step back and shut-up. I let the aggressor be the aggressor and patiently only react with love and respect. I make friends with the #1 mother and try to be a help to her in raising the child, or children. I regard the #1 parents as the boss of the situations. In troubled times, I was a satellite friend-step-parent that the child could turn to for comfort and advice that won’t be taken. The love relationship with the parent of a child is a packaged deal. You are taking on a multi-relationship with your man, his kids, and the mother of the kids. You have to love and respect each and every one of them. It is not like when we were young and in one-on-one relationships. It is complicated and multi-dimensional. If he has a child, then you have to regard each of them and the other parent, as well. They are a “packaged deal” and your love cannot leave any one of them out.
I dont know if i have it in me, especially because i see his child as being extremely controlling. I do NOT blame the child for this. I know its not his fault.
It is very hard for a child in a divorce. The child holds on to the fantasy that the parents will reunite ——- and a new woman in Dad’s life is getting in the way of the fantasy reunion actually happening. I always kept that in mind when I saw the child getting controlling. Eventually, the child grows up and the fantasy fades.
I have yet another dynamic playing out in my life in a step-mother to step-son drama. His mother is Sylvia. When Lowell Henry (my late husband) married Sylvia, I welcomed her into our family with a deep sisterly love. My Mom had taken Lowell in when he was a teen and his mother was dying. So, Lowell and I lived in the same house when I was a kid. Sylvia married Lowell and sylvia and I were best friends. When she gave birth to her two sons, I was right there being “Aunt Barabara”. So, I knew her sons from their birth and all through their babyhoods. I was Aunt Barbara. Lowell and I were very close. Our family joke was that Lowell and I should have married because I had a patient love for Lowell. When his marriage to Sylvia broke apart, his two sons wanted Lowell and Sylvia to come back together. Lowell was living in and renting a house that I owned. I moved into my house and Lowell and I shared residence. As long as I was still Aunt Barbara, there was no problems. Sylvia remarried and the fantasy of getting their parents to reunite was dying in the boy’s eyes. Then, Lowell and I got married and I went from beloved Aunt Barbara to Step-Mommy Dearest —- the ENEMY!!! Sylvia hated the idea of me being a second “Mom” to her two sons and she would throw ape-shit crazy temper tantrums if she caught her sons referring to me as “Mom #2”. So, the kids were forced to call me “Barbara”. One son, Johnny, still would describe me as “Barbara my second Mom”. He knew it pissed off Sylvia. When Lowell died, Sylvia helped me get through those bad days before the funeral —- as if we were still good friends. However, 13 years later, Johnny and I are facebook friends and Sylvia messages me now and then to say, “Johnny is MY SON, not yours!!!” and I message back that I know that, but Johnny is a fine man — a man to be proud of. Johnny and I keep our distance because Sylvia gets upset. Meanwhile, the other son has cut all ties to me because he never wants to upset his mother. I am not even allowed to be “Aunt Barbara”. I am personna-non-gratta. Sometimes the ex-wife will turn toxic and poisonous.
Political stance? This isn’t meant to judge them per se, but I would like to know what I am getting into before I do. I have conservative friends or people that are more right leaning than I am.
Hobbies? They don’t need to have the same ones as me, but it would be cool if they did. I’d also like to just know in general.
Police record? I’d like to know if that person has a habit of breaking laws and which ones. Certain ones and when it happens I may be able to overlook.
I think these are wise. For one, if you guys were too far off on your political stances, it can create friction, and it would lead me to believe that you have big differences of opinion on a lot of things. A lot of the political stuff, in my view, has to do with principles, and i think it would drive a wedge between you if the friend went against your basic principles.
Police record? Makes sense. That is about keeping you safe.
When i try to make friends, i ask them something many find strange, but i dont see it as strange at all. My question is, are you self aware? If the answer is yes, i usually follow it up with questions about if they work on themselves? This is not for general aquantainces, but moreso for people i may spend substantial time with. I am going to see if i can upload a photo to demonstrate exactly what i mean.
I can understand some of that. Being able to listen and not be judgmental. I get that type of stuff, totally. Some of it, I admit I don’t understand too much or what it means if you don’t have it. Well, mainly like “being in touch with their emotions and emotes.” I could totally be overthinking what it is meaning though. I don’t think the list is odd, but it is quite unique. I haven’t seen a list like that before. Good stuff for people to work on. This a list that you made or you found an outline of it from something/someone?
The list came from a therapist. To me, being in touch emotions and emoting is all about knowing what you feel and being able to introspect on why you feel as you do. Also, being able to share that with people, as appropriate. I review this list every so often to see where i am with things. It is something to work for and is ongoing.
Ah, alright. I try to understand why I feel what I do at times, but I can’t say I always find that answer. I do think that is important though. A lot of people seem to be driven by their emotions, but it just doesn’t seem like there is a totally valid reason for them to have those emotions at those times (or at least a valid reason to act on those emotions, especially in a destructive way.) Identifying the reasons for and controlling your emotions can be very important.
I can share quite a bit, as you know, as long as I feel I can trust the person. Admittedly, I don’t do well with showing that side to my family. I am just not that comfortable with them. With friends and online friends, and sometimes online strangers, I am a bit more open. It is just a matter of if they ask and/or is there a good time to talk about them.
1) Relationship status: This can prove awkward at best. I’m in a committed relationship.
2) Employment status: Being retired myself, having friends that are still active in the work force makes personal time important. Their time off is valuable to them, I would not wish to impose on them.
3) Political and Spiritual status: Yes, those two contentious subjects that seem to be cringe worthy and should be avoided in conversations, but are serious enough to make or break a friendship.
I have no idea, I do not socialize much, if at all. So, that is a very hard question for me. I have had a few friends I wrote to everyday online during a time period. I think probably the one I got along the best was very experienced in spiritual matters, had an open mind, could analyze and respond on anything. So, educated, well read, spiritual (as in, say very intuitive sense and ease with saying things clearly from The Spirit so educational and, at times, very interesting), open mind and liberal.
Over my life, have had friends I hung out with a lot. There often was not, however, a lot of conversation. Usually.
In the eighties, friend, Kyle, lived a few blocks from the apartment I had. He was a handsome upperclassman, popular, so that was good. We threw parties, hung out, smoked ganja together and with friends. Often just drove around the city, and found places to smoke pot. Often had drinking parties with friends at night.
Also, Michael and Joanna, at school. I felt close, but also we did not talk so much. We had a handful of times socializing outside of school.
And, Steve. We typically smoked pot together, talked comics. Watched movies.
Sissy, a girlfriend, I think was a friend. We watched a lot of movies. That was late 90s.
My wife and I like a lot of the same shows and movies. Major social thing to do. Which I know is not like jet skiing.
Going to alternative rock clubs in Deep Ellum in Dallas and Sixth Street was best stuff. (Eighties, nineties.)
Chuck, took in, he was homeless, in mid 90s, for a month. We mostly drank beer (or vodka) and played pool. Extremely spiritual. Again, unusually handsome.
I had two good different groups of friends in Austin, in the early to mid 90s… both groups, of course, knew each other distantly, though I met both separately and hung out with both separately.
That was fun.
As usual, I was typically pretty quiet, largely having confidence because I looked good, myself. Which is an odd way to think, but otherwise I felt so awkward. I could hold conversations well, as I did with my parents and siblings… but I don’t think I related a lot with many of the groups I hung out with. They weren’t so much into books, non-fiction, and cinema.
One group, we largely hung out to smoke pot, watch tv. It was very cool, however. The other group, some pot smoking, some beer drinking, but a lot of conversations as they were all literally philosophy graduates and I am very big on that. We also watched various films and tv. Star Trek, Next Generations… and I remember the french movie about angels. Foreign films they would bring back.
Another set of friends I found at church and hung out a lot with. Laid back, very good church. Most I went to were terrible. They were young twenty something professionals, while I was this twentysomething who didn’t work, didn’t have a college degree or anything. But, I knew scripture and such.
I also hung out with their parents, and an older group. Dinners, lunches, bible study.
Two of the terrible churches… well, one of them, the people were practically all family to each other, and there were terrific dinners and lunches.
In all of these situations, though, except with key folks, like Kyle, Joanna, Michael, Fish, and so on, I did feel odd and out.
So, I do not know, really, what criteria there is. I have a friend I sometimes talk to now, I think she often has social problems but it bothers her more then mine bother me. I do have an immediate family, and some relatives where I am. I talk most with my 18 year old, and on anything. But presence is important.
I have a lot of stuff I do not feel I can talk about normally with people, did even as a teenager. Odd supernatural stuff. So, that really alienates me. I think two friends over the past twenty years, I could discuss some of that with, where one of them could meaningfully reply. That would probably be my main criteria these days.
1. Paper or plastic?
2. Fork or spoon?
3. How do you deal with a) traffic jam and b) tangled Christmas tree lights?
Basically, nonsense questions; because ultimately, one isn’t interviewing for “a job”! I’ve shared before that friendships I thought I could “engineer” just didn’t last; and my most enduring and endearing ones are with people who initially presented various “disqualifications”!
As part of my life philosophy, I’m a huge believer in what has been called “providence”; the idea of the right things and the right people happening at the right time.
With “right” rarely being a function of just short-term emotional response. These kids get it:
The relationships you think/hope will last often just disappear if you turn your back for just a moment. And the most unlikely ones seem to endure!
So I am prepared for everyone I meet to be just a ship that passes in the night; or to become one of those very few special life-long friends. Vive la adventure!
I am friendly with most all i meet, but i do feel like i have a preference for particular qualities in a friend. Mostly, that they are growth oriented. I feel like any friends i make with a growth mindset, we help each other in this way.
We tend to be attracted to friends . . . who are mostly like us! That way, we can massage our “us-ness” together. The friendships are very much like a favorite old sweatshirt. They’re just soft and comfortable and don’t chafe.
But then they tend to wear thin!
I understand and value the idea that we tend to become like those we hang out with; speaking to your liking of friends in a similar growth mindset.
But I have also have had a good share of friends who were “stuck”. I guess I’m reminded of the times in my life when I was “stuck” and people in positive growth mindsets stopped to help me out!
1) What do you like to do for fun? because that would help me understand if we could enjoy things together.
2) What was the last book you really enjoyed and why? because that would help me understand if they drill down towards deeper understanding, or they prefer superficial entertainment.
3) What is your idea of the ideal pet? because that would help me know what they want out of a relationship.
I like this question, but I find it a bit hard to answer. I guess when I make new friends I don’t ask much, but I observe. But if I had to ask, those questions would be:
1) Tell me three of your favorite movies from 3 different genres. (I know it’s 3 answers in one question – but this a very important question)
2) What was your life like growing up?
3) What is your biggest personal struggle at this time?
I feel like these answers would give me a good idea on this person’s insides. The movies may tell me what level of emotional capacity, intellect, and humor one has. Their past tells me what kind of values they may possess. And their personal struggle tells me that they’re human.
i think its important to me how people treat each other. in person.
how do you deal with road rage
how do you deal with a child’s temper tantrum
how do you deal with a cat who wont stay off the table
ok maybe not the last one. but it could be insighful
none of the above really apply to me, is the thing. but they are good ways to learn about a persons personality, you know?
i also think its important to know how people act/react in anger, in excitement and in stress… like, what are you comfortable around, right?
so other similar questions. you see 2 men kissing on the street what do you do? do you vote? do you respect your neighbours? do you have any trail mix?
the way i usually make friends though, in person friends that is… Hey our kids get a long great want to get together? thats the big one still. ive made some very good friendships that way. and some not so much. but thats why parks are great, bring a book or a soccer ball just in case you dont get along with the parents :D or a bag of sunflower seeds :D
23 responses to “Friend me…”
In fact, this week I have met some new friends. I wanted to know what they do for a living. I wanted to know what city they live in. Then I wanted to know if they had kids, and the ages of the kids. It was all in assessing how good a match we would make as friends. I would like to go out and have dinner, or lunch, but I would avoid friends that have a small child that they have to bring along. I met someone who is Immortal Pirate’s age and she wants to go out and go shopping and have dinner sometimes. We both garden and love cooking. Her kids are adults.
This is interesting. I have begun to wonder if i have made a mistake becoming involved with a man who has a small child. Different life stations, i ‘spose.
We have tried having a nice restaurant dinner with another couple and they brought their 18 month old baby. All through dinner the baby cried and hacked with a cold. The kid walked around on the seats eating food with his hands, wanting to touch his parents food and throw what food displeased him. He had snot running down his face and into his mother’s food. We could not have a conversation that was not interrupted by the child’s screams and his parents having to shush and calm him. I spent that dinner hour cringing when the child screamed and guarding my plate while I ate. The coughing in our food and running snot nose had me gagging while trying to be social.
This week, I went to a prayer meeting where two sets of parents brought 2 year olds that cried, screamed, threw toys around and made it so that the parents could not fully participate in the meeting, or have a conversation. It is simply too hard for me to enjoy the company with small uncontrollable children around.
It is the same with trying to have a visit with my cousin that has a Malamute dog that gets vocal. My cousin stops in the middle of sentences to answer her dog’s whines, moans, and growls.
Being in love with a man who has a small child might cut into the intimacy of moments with him. As a couple, the child would be in-part your interest, too. If the relationship gets serious, you two have this child together. Marriage would find you being a step-mother to the child. That has it’s own complications if there is an ex-wife who is the child’s #1 mother and you are #2 to a child who keeps being antagonistic with, “You’re not my Mommy.” I have had 3 marriages to husbands that had kids and I was the step-mother. I had to be humble and know when to step back and take the insults of not being the #1 parent in a situation where the child needed correcting. Then there were the intentional hurts when the child puts you in your #2 place.
For me, I took the snubs and hurts with quiet patience. I did as I always do. I step back and shut-up. I let the aggressor be the aggressor and patiently only react with love and respect. I make friends with the #1 mother and try to be a help to her in raising the child, or children. I regard the #1 parents as the boss of the situations. In troubled times, I was a satellite friend-step-parent that the child could turn to for comfort and advice that won’t be taken. The love relationship with the parent of a child is a packaged deal. You are taking on a multi-relationship with your man, his kids, and the mother of the kids. You have to love and respect each and every one of them. It is not like when we were young and in one-on-one relationships. It is complicated and multi-dimensional. If he has a child, then you have to regard each of them and the other parent, as well. They are a “packaged deal” and your love cannot leave any one of them out.
I dont know if i have it in me, especially because i see his child as being extremely controlling. I do NOT blame the child for this. I know its not his fault.
It is very hard for a child in a divorce. The child holds on to the fantasy that the parents will reunite ——- and a new woman in Dad’s life is getting in the way of the fantasy reunion actually happening. I always kept that in mind when I saw the child getting controlling. Eventually, the child grows up and the fantasy fades.
I have yet another dynamic playing out in my life in a step-mother to step-son drama. His mother is Sylvia. When Lowell Henry (my late husband) married Sylvia, I welcomed her into our family with a deep sisterly love. My Mom had taken Lowell in when he was a teen and his mother was dying. So, Lowell and I lived in the same house when I was a kid. Sylvia married Lowell and sylvia and I were best friends. When she gave birth to her two sons, I was right there being “Aunt Barabara”. So, I knew her sons from their birth and all through their babyhoods. I was Aunt Barbara. Lowell and I were very close. Our family joke was that Lowell and I should have married because I had a patient love for Lowell. When his marriage to Sylvia broke apart, his two sons wanted Lowell and Sylvia to come back together. Lowell was living in and renting a house that I owned. I moved into my house and Lowell and I shared residence. As long as I was still Aunt Barbara, there was no problems. Sylvia remarried and the fantasy of getting their parents to reunite was dying in the boy’s eyes. Then, Lowell and I got married and I went from beloved Aunt Barbara to Step-Mommy Dearest —- the ENEMY!!! Sylvia hated the idea of me being a second “Mom” to her two sons and she would throw ape-shit crazy temper tantrums if she caught her sons referring to me as “Mom #2”. So, the kids were forced to call me “Barbara”. One son, Johnny, still would describe me as “Barbara my second Mom”. He knew it pissed off Sylvia. When Lowell died, Sylvia helped me get through those bad days before the funeral —- as if we were still good friends. However, 13 years later, Johnny and I are facebook friends and Sylvia messages me now and then to say, “Johnny is MY SON, not yours!!!” and I message back that I know that, but Johnny is a fine man — a man to be proud of. Johnny and I keep our distance because Sylvia gets upset. Meanwhile, the other son has cut all ties to me because he never wants to upset his mother. I am not even allowed to be “Aunt Barbara”. I am personna-non-gratta. Sometimes the ex-wife will turn toxic and poisonous.
Political stance? This isn’t meant to judge them per se, but I would like to know what I am getting into before I do. I have conservative friends or people that are more right leaning than I am.
Hobbies? They don’t need to have the same ones as me, but it would be cool if they did. I’d also like to just know in general.
Police record? I’d like to know if that person has a habit of breaking laws and which ones. Certain ones and when it happens I may be able to overlook.
I think these are wise. For one, if you guys were too far off on your political stances, it can create friction, and it would lead me to believe that you have big differences of opinion on a lot of things. A lot of the political stuff, in my view, has to do with principles, and i think it would drive a wedge between you if the friend went against your basic principles.
Police record? Makes sense. That is about keeping you safe.
When i try to make friends, i ask them something many find strange, but i dont see it as strange at all. My question is, are you self aware? If the answer is yes, i usually follow it up with questions about if they work on themselves? This is not for general aquantainces, but moreso for people i may spend substantial time with. I am going to see if i can upload a photo to demonstrate exactly what i mean.
I want my friends to exhibit these traits or be working towards exhibiting these and for them to expect me to reciprocate.
I can understand some of that. Being able to listen and not be judgmental. I get that type of stuff, totally. Some of it, I admit I don’t understand too much or what it means if you don’t have it. Well, mainly like “being in touch with their emotions and emotes.” I could totally be overthinking what it is meaning though. I don’t think the list is odd, but it is quite unique. I haven’t seen a list like that before. Good stuff for people to work on. This a list that you made or you found an outline of it from something/someone?
The list came from a therapist. To me, being in touch emotions and emoting is all about knowing what you feel and being able to introspect on why you feel as you do. Also, being able to share that with people, as appropriate. I review this list every so often to see where i am with things. It is something to work for and is ongoing.
Ah, alright. I try to understand why I feel what I do at times, but I can’t say I always find that answer. I do think that is important though. A lot of people seem to be driven by their emotions, but it just doesn’t seem like there is a totally valid reason for them to have those emotions at those times (or at least a valid reason to act on those emotions, especially in a destructive way.) Identifying the reasons for and controlling your emotions can be very important.
I can share quite a bit, as you know, as long as I feel I can trust the person. Admittedly, I don’t do well with showing that side to my family. I am just not that comfortable with them. With friends and online friends, and sometimes online strangers, I am a bit more open. It is just a matter of if they ask and/or is there a good time to talk about them.
friendships should start and evolve organically. the good ones come in to your life magically and sometimes just at the right time.
1) Relationship status: This can prove awkward at best. I’m in a committed relationship.
2) Employment status: Being retired myself, having friends that are still active in the work force makes personal time important. Their time off is valuable to them, I would not wish to impose on them.
3) Political and Spiritual status: Yes, those two contentious subjects that seem to be cringe worthy and should be avoided in conversations, but are serious enough to make or break a friendship.
I have no idea, I do not socialize much, if at all. So, that is a very hard question for me. I have had a few friends I wrote to everyday online during a time period. I think probably the one I got along the best was very experienced in spiritual matters, had an open mind, could analyze and respond on anything. So, educated, well read, spiritual (as in, say very intuitive sense and ease with saying things clearly from The Spirit so educational and, at times, very interesting), open mind and liberal.
Over my life, have had friends I hung out with a lot. There often was not, however, a lot of conversation. Usually.
In the eighties, friend, Kyle, lived a few blocks from the apartment I had. He was a handsome upperclassman, popular, so that was good. We threw parties, hung out, smoked ganja together and with friends. Often just drove around the city, and found places to smoke pot. Often had drinking parties with friends at night.
Also, Michael and Joanna, at school. I felt close, but also we did not talk so much. We had a handful of times socializing outside of school.
And, Steve. We typically smoked pot together, talked comics. Watched movies.
Sissy, a girlfriend, I think was a friend. We watched a lot of movies. That was late 90s.
My wife and I like a lot of the same shows and movies. Major social thing to do. Which I know is not like jet skiing.
Going to alternative rock clubs in Deep Ellum in Dallas and Sixth Street was best stuff. (Eighties, nineties.)
Chuck, took in, he was homeless, in mid 90s, for a month. We mostly drank beer (or vodka) and played pool. Extremely spiritual. Again, unusually handsome.
I had two good different groups of friends in Austin, in the early to mid 90s… both groups, of course, knew each other distantly, though I met both separately and hung out with both separately.
That was fun.
As usual, I was typically pretty quiet, largely having confidence because I looked good, myself. Which is an odd way to think, but otherwise I felt so awkward. I could hold conversations well, as I did with my parents and siblings… but I don’t think I related a lot with many of the groups I hung out with. They weren’t so much into books, non-fiction, and cinema.
One group, we largely hung out to smoke pot, watch tv. It was very cool, however. The other group, some pot smoking, some beer drinking, but a lot of conversations as they were all literally philosophy graduates and I am very big on that. We also watched various films and tv. Star Trek, Next Generations… and I remember the french movie about angels. Foreign films they would bring back.
Another set of friends I found at church and hung out a lot with. Laid back, very good church. Most I went to were terrible. They were young twenty something professionals, while I was this twentysomething who didn’t work, didn’t have a college degree or anything. But, I knew scripture and such.
I also hung out with their parents, and an older group. Dinners, lunches, bible study.
Two of the terrible churches… well, one of them, the people were practically all family to each other, and there were terrific dinners and lunches.
In all of these situations, though, except with key folks, like Kyle, Joanna, Michael, Fish, and so on, I did feel odd and out.
So, I do not know, really, what criteria there is. I have a friend I sometimes talk to now, I think she often has social problems but it bothers her more then mine bother me. I do have an immediate family, and some relatives where I am. I talk most with my 18 year old, and on anything. But presence is important.
I have a lot of stuff I do not feel I can talk about normally with people, did even as a teenager. Odd supernatural stuff. So, that really alienates me. I think two friends over the past twenty years, I could discuss some of that with, where one of them could meaningfully reply. That would probably be my main criteria these days.
1. How skilled are you at communicating your feelings and wishes?
2. What’s your favorite joke?
3. What is your favorite human quality?
These are great questions! Love em. Now i am thinking of my favorite human quality.
mine is probably tact or compassion
1. Paper or plastic?
2. Fork or spoon?
3. How do you deal with a) traffic jam and b) tangled Christmas tree lights?
Basically, nonsense questions; because ultimately, one isn’t interviewing for “a job”! I’ve shared before that friendships I thought I could “engineer” just didn’t last; and my most enduring and endearing ones are with people who initially presented various “disqualifications”!
As part of my life philosophy, I’m a huge believer in what has been called “providence”; the idea of the right things and the right people happening at the right time.
With “right” rarely being a function of just short-term emotional response. These kids get it:
The relationships you think/hope will last often just disappear if you turn your back for just a moment. And the most unlikely ones seem to endure!
So I am prepared for everyone I meet to be just a ship that passes in the night; or to become one of those very few special life-long friends. Vive la adventure!
I am friendly with most all i meet, but i do feel like i have a preference for particular qualities in a friend. Mostly, that they are growth oriented. I feel like any friends i make with a growth mindset, we help each other in this way.
We tend to be attracted to friends . . . who are mostly like us! That way, we can massage our “us-ness” together. The friendships are very much like a favorite old sweatshirt. They’re just soft and comfortable and don’t chafe.
But then they tend to wear thin!
I understand and value the idea that we tend to become like those we hang out with; speaking to your liking of friends in a similar growth mindset.
But I have also have had a good share of friends who were “stuck”. I guess I’m reminded of the times in my life when I was “stuck” and people in positive growth mindsets stopped to help me out!
1) What do you like to do for fun? because that would help me understand if we could enjoy things together.
2) What was the last book you really enjoyed and why? because that would help me understand if they drill down towards deeper understanding, or they prefer superficial entertainment.
3) What is your idea of the ideal pet? because that would help me know what they want out of a relationship.
I like this question, but I find it a bit hard to answer. I guess when I make new friends I don’t ask much, but I observe. But if I had to ask, those questions would be:
1) Tell me three of your favorite movies from 3 different genres. (I know it’s 3 answers in one question – but this a very important question)
2) What was your life like growing up?
3) What is your biggest personal struggle at this time?
I feel like these answers would give me a good idea on this person’s insides. The movies may tell me what level of emotional capacity, intellect, and humor one has. Their past tells me what kind of values they may possess. And their personal struggle tells me that they’re human.
this is a tougher one than i though it would be!
i think its important to me how people treat each other. in person.
how do you deal with road rage
how do you deal with a child’s temper tantrum
how do you deal with a cat who wont stay off the table
ok maybe not the last one. but it could be insighful
none of the above really apply to me, is the thing. but they are good ways to learn about a persons personality, you know?
i also think its important to know how people act/react in anger, in excitement and in stress… like, what are you comfortable around, right?
so other similar questions. you see 2 men kissing on the street what do you do? do you vote? do you respect your neighbours? do you have any trail mix?
the way i usually make friends though, in person friends that is… Hey our kids get a long great want to get together? thats the big one still. ive made some very good friendships that way. and some not so much. but thats why parks are great, bring a book or a soccer ball just in case you dont get along with the parents :D or a bag of sunflower seeds :D