Damnit, I had a response that I typed out and it disappeared….
Anyway, I just said that it depends on how much you value the relationship and the strength of it. Sometimes when relationship become too strained, they become irreparable.
For me personally, I tend for forgive and move on from an issue. If the relationship is valued I find that it usually repairs itself with time, other relationships will just slip away.
My brother and his friend had been trying to purposely undermine my relationship with my parents, saying things that are either deliberately untrue or true but none of his or my parent’s business. He’s also stolen $ from me recently. The guy since moved out (well he’s been gone for at least a week and a half, i hope he stays gone). But that doesn’t mean that I’m able to trust my brother. I could EASILY lend him my laptop when I’m gone. But I am afraid he’ll stumble upon something I’m doing and show it to our parents and blow the meaning of it out of proportion.
Your issues with your brother run far deeper than being able to trust him with your laptop. It sounds like you two have a lot of unresolved frustrations. Just be clear and honest with him and tell him that you aren’t ready to trust him yet. As time goes on and you feel more comfortable you can make the efforts to rebuild the trust.
If I wrote off everyone who hurt me just once I would be all alone! And this purely out of fear.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting others take advantage of us. But it is a bad process to think we can control others. Or control the general outward reality to our liking with fits of disapproval.
Forgiveness teaches us about controlling ourselves. And with this control it is very easy to not be hurt by the things that once hurt us.
Through the years, I have learned not to allow someone to go on hurting me. I simply take measures to protect myself from that happening. Hurt me, and I will take myself away from you. There is no need for arguments and shouting — I just pick up my shit and leave the area. Follow me and I will bite you!!! I left because I do not need people in my life that cause hurt.
The exception to that rule might come if the person wants me in their life enough to drill a hole in the massive wall I build between us. I left the Baha’is of Norwalk because my living with Immortal Pirate was something that caused arguments and strife between the Baha’is and I. I removed myself from them. ——— However, in my new community, here in Arizona, the Baha’is reached out to me. I told them that Immortal Pirate and I are not going to marry, but live as a loving couple. They said that a few Baha’is in the community live together without marriage. (hmmmmm) I said that I own a gun and they invited me to go shooting with them. (hmmmmm) I said that I am a Trump supporter and got a gleeful hug. There is not a Liberal in the community. So, I am taking the wall down and rejoining the Baha’i Faith. —————– You see, I don’t want to live with strife and arguments and when a person can assure me that I don’t have to live with them attacking me, then bricks will be taken down from the wall.
Why am I supposed to trust anything or anyone in the first place? I believe in maniacal laughter & mirthful suspicion. I have yet to be poisoned by upstart relatives & hangers on, who crave my lofty title and all that goes with it.
7 responses to “How much do you risk being hurt again?”
Damnit, I had a response that I typed out and it disappeared….
Anyway, I just said that it depends on how much you value the relationship and the strength of it. Sometimes when relationship become too strained, they become irreparable.
For me personally, I tend for forgive and move on from an issue. If the relationship is valued I find that it usually repairs itself with time, other relationships will just slip away.
My brother and his friend had been trying to purposely undermine my relationship with my parents, saying things that are either deliberately untrue or true but none of his or my parent’s business. He’s also stolen $ from me recently. The guy since moved out (well he’s been gone for at least a week and a half, i hope he stays gone). But that doesn’t mean that I’m able to trust my brother. I could EASILY lend him my laptop when I’m gone. But I am afraid he’ll stumble upon something I’m doing and show it to our parents and blow the meaning of it out of proportion.
Your issues with your brother run far deeper than being able to trust him with your laptop. It sounds like you two have a lot of unresolved frustrations. Just be clear and honest with him and tell him that you aren’t ready to trust him yet. As time goes on and you feel more comfortable you can make the efforts to rebuild the trust.
If I wrote off everyone who hurt me just once I would be all alone! And this purely out of fear.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting others take advantage of us. But it is a bad process to think we can control others. Or control the general outward reality to our liking with fits of disapproval.
Forgiveness teaches us about controlling ourselves. And with this control it is very easy to not be hurt by the things that once hurt us.
Through the years, I have learned not to allow someone to go on hurting me. I simply take measures to protect myself from that happening. Hurt me, and I will take myself away from you. There is no need for arguments and shouting — I just pick up my shit and leave the area. Follow me and I will bite you!!! I left because I do not need people in my life that cause hurt.
The exception to that rule might come if the person wants me in their life enough to drill a hole in the massive wall I build between us. I left the Baha’is of Norwalk because my living with Immortal Pirate was something that caused arguments and strife between the Baha’is and I. I removed myself from them. ——— However, in my new community, here in Arizona, the Baha’is reached out to me. I told them that Immortal Pirate and I are not going to marry, but live as a loving couple. They said that a few Baha’is in the community live together without marriage. (hmmmmm) I said that I own a gun and they invited me to go shooting with them. (hmmmmm) I said that I am a Trump supporter and got a gleeful hug. There is not a Liberal in the community. So, I am taking the wall down and rejoining the Baha’i Faith. —————– You see, I don’t want to live with strife and arguments and when a person can assure me that I don’t have to live with them attacking me, then bricks will be taken down from the wall.
Why am I supposed to trust anything or anyone in the first place? I believe in maniacal laughter & mirthful suspicion. I have yet to be poisoned by upstart relatives & hangers on, who crave my lofty title and all that goes with it.
All I can say…