“The normative Human is just as much terrified and murderous as they are calm and collected” – Jordan B. Peterson.
We hide this very well most of the time, behind facades of politeness and socialization, based on finding supporting forums and groups of people with whom we share a set of common presumptions of value.
But everything has to be “just right” for us to manifest the facade of being calm and collected. A word, a glance, a series of misadventures, a disparate voice, “triggers” from our own unresolved past, a differing opinion, a disparate ideology (not from our recognized “echo-chamber”) can all shake the already shaky foundations of our facades and cause them to slip or even fall.
How aware are you of your own darker nature? With awareness of it, what strategies have you employed to effectively master it? (situationally, or over time)
What “exercises” do you do (if you do any) to try to expand the realm where you can afford to be calm and collected; functioning with higher aspects of rationality, intelligence, morality and sociability while others around you are losing their head?
© 2026 – SoulSequel
20 responses to “Humans are not peaceful creatures.”
I know that I cannot tolerate having a partner that is an alcoholic with a hot temper. So, I don’t even have people like that in my life. I know that I have a hot temper. I put space between me and whoever angers me.
I am able to realize —— It’s not my monkey and not my circus. I disengage from the aggravation and surround myself in peace. Immortal Pirate likes to say, “Be like the willow and bend.”
@ladybarbara
So as an “experienced” person, what do you think of the concept of expanding the realm where you can afford to be calm and collected?
Is it just a function of bad experience competently managed — and this a reasonable function of age? I wonder if there are “exercises” one can elect to do . . . or if bitter experience is the only thing that teach one to expand that realm of “calm and collected”?
@griz I am calm and collected. I am a patient person with a long fuse. When agitated, I leave the area and get out of the place where the aggravation took place. I go off and do something else, leaving the aggravater to stew in his own aggravation. I can afford to be calm and collected because I am no longer in that area having that aggravation, or argument.
The concept of ever again having an angry, defensive and battering drunk in my life is something I will not let happen again. I don’t see any worth in expanding my realm to include an always angry asshole that scape-goats me as a personal punching bag and cuts me off from family and friends. I cannot tolerate it. I cannot live in that kind of daily fear anymore. If I encounter that kind of person, I will shut him or her out of my life. I don’t intend to ever have to deal with a person like that again. I have learned to make better choices in partners. I know that I cannot “fix” another person, and now, I found a partner that doesn’t need “fixing”. He is not broken. He is not as patient as I am, but he is always kind and there is nothing that has to be aggravating between us that we can’t simply talk over and solve.
I cannot even imagine saying to Immortal Pirate, “Let’s find a person that wants to argue and fight with us everyday and have them in our life daily,” No thanks. I will pass on that kind of hell.
@ladybarbara
But do you think this is an attitude that can only be formulated from “bitter experience”?
Do you think there are ways . . . exercises . . . by which someone who has not had such bitter experiences, could gain this wisdom?
@griz I don’t know if a person has to actually live with a battering drunk to know that you are aggravated by being pulled around by your hair and pushed down a flight of stairs, punched in the face for small infractions of ever-changing rules, and tormented daily. I think the average person knows that they don’t want to live like that.
However, the battering drunk doesn’t batter 7/24, and actually romances his victim into living with those circumstances. They get their victim cut off from friends and family and then they start with the oppression, beatings, and breaking down their victim, convincing her that she is not worth anything and no one is going to help her. Then comes the , “You are nothing! You can’t live without me!!!”
It follows a never ending circle of abuse. Romancing —- then comes tension —- then arguments, fighting, and beatings —- then the drunk apologizes —- then romances the victim into thinking it won’t happen again (so she should stay). Then comes the tension —- then arguments, fighting, beatings —– then apologies and romance to make up for the beatings. It repeats and repeats with the beatings getting worse and the apology period getting shorter.
I think that the average person can figure it out, if they are told what happens. However, it is a sticky web that you don’t know that you are in —- until you experience the battering, then believe the apology, and go through the cycle a few times. Most people would get the hell away from that the first time they are battered. No one WANTS to live like that. Yes, bitter experience is the only way to learn.
Most people have an ability to see “red flag” behavior. I had to learn it the hard way.
@ladybarbara
Because we are individuals on individual paths, specifics fall away. What we are left with are “bitter experiences”, that either break us or make us stronger.
Strong enough perhaps, to expand the realm where we can remain calm and collected?
Specifically, you are far more attuned to the red flags of an abusive partner. I am far more attuned to the red flags of an abusive parent. Nobody who has not been there themselves will as easily or quickly identify the red flags.
But I wonder if through hearing the stories and experiences of others, someone can use speculative imagination to “put” themselves in such a situation, run a scenario of it through a few times (if they’re so inclined?), and perhaps vicariously exercise some strengthening in themselves?
People do seem very “attracted” to stories of horrendous things, overcome. Are they perhaps, subconsciously, looking for something more than just mindless entertainment and vicarious emotionalism?
I truthfully do not know. For I’ve been “”gifted”” with a harsh and bitter experience for context! So have you.
(That’s why I’m trying to pick your brain a bit! pic, pic, pic!)
I am very much in touch with my dark side, as much as I am with my light side. I have mastered the dark with breathing techniques, meditation and yoga. It’s all about the yin and yang. It’s quite simple.
I have had a lot of practice dealing with my dark side this past year. Hhhhmmm, what could be causing that? hhahahahahahaaaa!!!
@Gina
It sounds like self-centering techniques have worked very well for you. I’ve found them very beneficial as well.
I know that personally I am very appreciative of how we can discussions that at times blow up a bit, but we still come together as friends.
@griz I agree! If I cut out every person I disagreed with, I would be talking to myself only.
Speaking of being angry a lot this past year, I let my balance be off; so I stopped taking care of myself and it’s been really unhealthy for me. I am back on track and starting to feel like myself again. I have to lay off the “trump”, bad for my health.
@Gina
Sort of like too much candy!
(Comedians are going to have a read dry spell once he’s gone!)
@griz Actually, every one of the nighttime comics say they rather it be slower. It’s actually really exhausting for them one), they are Americans who are pissed too, two) Since so much comes out of shit mountain, and news changes by the hour; they can’t write their show in the morning. To remain topical they are writing up to the minute they go on the air.
@Gina
I would like to ask you the same question I asked Lady Barbara.
I seem to remember you’ve had some bitter experience in your life; and that this is what has taught you to keep your equilibrium when the proverbial ground starts shaking.
(ie, to expand the realm where you can remain calm and collected).
Question: Do you think this can only happen if one has faced bitter experience? Or do you think this is something one can learn through exercise, without having to walk through crisis?
I am very aware of the darkness. It is one of those things that makes me mostly ok with being alone and not searching to be with someone. While I understand that isn’t exactly a fix, I’d like to think of it as a scab. Maybe if I can fix myself, it can come off one day.
@yin
Many people have succeeded.
Depending upon how dire the original wound was, there may always be a scar. But that just means you have to take it a little easy when something makes the scar tingle! Otherwise one can easily pass as “fully (or mostly) functional”.
Perhaps just to others at first; but in time, even in one’s own mind. And this is where healing happens.
Part of my darker side includes an awareness of selfishness. My strategy is to act in opposition whenever the slightest indication surfaces. I use that like a trigger and then try to execute a specific tactic that is oppositional to my nature.
I want to take this back because I don’t think I really try that hard to do the opposite of how I’m feeling, but maybe the guilt I feel for not having the strength to do what I know is right, somehow reduces the natural inclination to always act in my own self interests first.
I think my real exercising comes in observation. I have the opportunity to interact with someone who is totally other centered. Observation and acknowledgement that it is a better behaviour than my own, may have contributed to me making the effort to be a little more than I am.
@spitfire3dc
I think that with awareness of it and over time, we actually start to re-write that aspect of ourselves. I used to have a very hard time returning a found wallet, or pointing out when a cashier had made an error in my favor. I found all sorts of ways to justify just pocketing the windfall and walking away.
But it bothered me that my response was entirely different if the error had worked against me or I had lost the wallet! I specifically remember the one time when it came back to me, anonymously, with everything still inside.
So I worked on it enough that at some point my personality shifted to the point where the first inclination is the honest one.
Having a ready example of behavior we value is an asset!
Be that as it may , we live in a society and unless there are dire circumstances, we are expected, demanded, coerced by threat of governmental interference to “toe the line ” az it were
@Jear77
I think that is what has been called “slave thinking”. And there are many effective ways to escape it.
(With “effective” not necessarily being equatable with “easy”)
@griz yes. Rising up and overthrowing one’s government. Unfortunately, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a dozen times. The US government would not hesitate a moment to nuke its own people if push came to shove. And continue to nuke until there was no resistance left
@Jear77
That doesn’t have a stellar track record of working.
So what other options — internal options that won’t get you nuked — exist?
I see a big part of the “desperation cycle” in the US as being a function of “slave thinking” — feeling one is “owned” and there is nothing one can do about it.