I got tired of hearing this as a boy. And I’ve said it to my fare share of kids and felt a bit foolish every time. Because I knew that it was true, but couldn’t explain why.
Until now.
It talks about a game. But life is not a game. It’s a series of games. And the game we may be anguished at not winning is just one of many in play.
We should be playing to win across the range of games, and not losing at some to win others. That’s being a sell out.
Not losing the ethical or self esteem game that lets us feel good about the person we see in the mirror every morning of our lives — just to win a trophy that will soon be forgotten and collecting dust — is something one will regret later on.
Thoughts?
© 2026 – SoulSequel
13 responses to “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”
It is how you play the game(s). Winning and cheating is cheap and shallow. Losing with integrity is much more powerful, and a way to learn to improve your game. Keeping my humanity intact is most important. (hhmmm, that is the 2nd time I have said that today.)
i have mixed feelings about this message. i think it is a good lesson for anyone, make what you do worth it, dont get as caught up in the end game as the process. journey not destination. but then i am someone who also thinks the goal is important. what are you aiming for? do it for meaning or dont do it? do it well not half assed… what we do is important and good whether we win or lose but lets make it matter, i guess?
@BelleMadre
The idea is that our goal should be for success at the broadest possible array of games that make up life.
To sacrifice the ethics game for a trophy in the financial game or the power or popularity game, is foolish. One soon becomes known for this and soon nobody wants to play any of the games of life with us . . . and our progress through life becomes arrested.
Gads!!! I have mixed feelings all over the place. As a kid, we played war and I always took offense at being cast as the Nurse in the medical tent —- so I was the medical unit nurse that applied “Last Aid” and killed the soldiers brought to my tent. If cast as the Pioneer woman sweeping the cabin while the boys were cowboys and Indians, I was the Pioneer woman who whips out a bb gun and shoots anyone coming near my cabin. Either, I get a chance to contest the boys, or I change the game on my end.
I hated school sports and played half-assed. I would catch and hold the ball until everyone called out my last name in angry tones. Kick me out of the game !!! I want to go sit in the soft grass.
But, put me on roller skates and I was the team “killer”. Being short, my elbows, fists, and the top of my hockey stick handle was at a level that could hurt everyone and cause damage. I had a trick with my skates that slid a toe stop between the wheels of another player and sent them flying to the floor. Everyone elses elbows, fists, and hockey stick handle would only hit me in the head —- big deal —- I had a head of steel and a fast ducking maneuver. I loved roller derby!!! I did not care if my team won or lost. I just wanted to cause trouble.
Nowadays??? I just want enjoyment and games are —- meh. While visiting Immortal Pirate’s son’s house, there were two ladies my own age watching a very interesting movie. I wanted to sit with them and enjoy the movie. However, Immortal Pirate, his son and daughter, and their partners were sitting around a game table playing a card game. They insisted that I play with them. The game was new to me and I was intent on not learning how to play it. I played to lose. I wanted to lose. I was so passionate about losing that when Immortal Pirate was the first to lose, I fought back tears and wanted to throw my cards at him. Lucky for me, I was the next to lose. GREAT!!! I went back to the living room to watch the rest of the movie with women my own age. It’s not whether you win or lose …… wait!!! It is losing so that you can duck out of the game —– kick me off of the team, so I can go do what I would rather be doing (sitting with the other women, or sitting in the soft grass.) Exploding Cat, what a stupid game!
I guess, I have come full circle in life.
@ladybarbara
For the sake of this model, leisure and entertainment is just one of the array of games that make up life. There are “winners and losers” at it, and it can be sacrificed for the sake of a win at another game. Or vice versa.
In my case I was being hounded all of my life because I had the curse of the cross on me and the spirits of a lot of beings trying to find some caveat or way to escape their certain demise.
Not a game.
But, game theory is a decent metaphor to describe many different situations.
The seriousness of the matter, which usually is supplied by love, is where the whole game theory thing breaks down.
I create adversaries, let them error and fill up on it, give them options, and eventually chop them down. This season, as late as it is, I have a lot of stern faced muahahas.
In this part of this season, the game I usually am playing with others… is polar opposite of the game they want to play with me.
Too bad for them.
I guess they were just born blind, deaf, and generally stupid. People can blame God for it. But, won’t do them any good.
The world is its’ self a game. One which people forget that it is not real. Angels do not. I do not. But, I am not human nor a person.
This dream world, one without a God or magic/miracles, is the main game everyone plays. It is, of course, entirely rigged. Those without grace go to destruction — but they never had the hope for eternal life anyway.
So, what do they care?
A season of punishment after millennia of their team being the leaders is more then fair. Even if that season never ends.
@five2one
When the game ends…
@five2one
If game = challenge or competition then all of life is a series of games. Even the cross of Christ can be (and often is) played as a competition against others.
@griz I’m the only one who actually really has the power of the cross on em, cause I am the one they nailed up to it.
Still have the stigmata.
They really did it in the palms and feet.
If you think my death was in vain, and you are going to be God, you are in for a very bad awakening.
@five2one
I thought you shared the victory with all who have faith in both the nature and total sufficiency of it?
Martyr complexes are treatable.
This axiom was designed to make people who didn’t accomplish an objective feel good about losing, or at least not feel bad about not winning.
But let’s break this down into two things. Games, which are specific tests and challenges that are a far greater issue for which this axiom is used most often in reference
Games are a measure of ability. You win, or you don’t win. Doesn’t mater if you try. at the end you win, or don’t win. is winning really important or does playing, matter? That depends on the participant and maybe to play to win is pretty important to the ability to actually win.
Challenges are a little different although we treat them like games.I mentally start by believing I will accomplish the objective and then I address obstacles as they appear, again with a belief they will be overcome. That’s the way I play.
To not want to win, to me, makes the “playing” of the game pointless.
@spitfire3dc
I wonder games are more about a positive growth path than a judgement of ability or lack thereof.
Most adults try to use the axiom as a placation for feelings hurt – perhaps by the harsh judgement of “lacking ability” – and this quite understandably falls short.
The “medal for the best” is the incentive; but if one just plays for the award, they will be crushed by more disappointment than rewarded for excellence.
Everyone of course should “want” to win. But the growth and personal development of everyone involved are arguably the true incentive and purpose.
And to win one game (like financial success) at the expense of others (ethics, family, leisure) is self-defeating.
I just watched a perfect example of your quote. Watch this Mexican Winter Olympian get a heroes welcome at the finish line for finishing last in his Cross Country Skiing race. This IS the Olympic spirit in action. I included the whole article in case the video doesn’t play for you.
https://streamable.com/trdqx
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mexico-madrazo-winter-olympics-finish_us_5a86ac0fe4b05c2bcac996a1