have you had the experience of losing time? or robbing yourself of your own time? or traveling through a woman hole to get someone to deal with your present moment so you don’t have to?
it is a very sad thought when I think about the time we have robbed ourselves of throughout our lives.
with disassociative identity disorder, there is a thing known as switching. have you ever been aware of this happening to anyone around you? what happens is each personality can contain different parts. Such as the case with me there may be a little girl me, an adolescent me, and a elderly grandmother me, among others. if something happens that is threatening to me, I could switch, and the people in my environment could have no idea that they are no longer dealing with present day Scarlett. They are dealing with a four year old. and me? where am “I” during these encounters? I see my body moving sometimes is all know. this is quite different than what it may read like, and I am willing to bet each and everyone of you have experienced this sensation of losing time? Think about the times you may have been imagining possible futures, you traveled to the future, a future that may or may not one day exist. However, you robbed yourself of your present moment by worrying or fantasizing about the future, and I posit that we would all have richer experiences if we didn’t Rob ourselves of time. How can we bring someone back or get back ourselves when we are not “in” time. Does anyone know?
© 2026 – SoulSequel
14 responses to “losing time?”
First off…I think your spellchecker may have switched the word worm to woman. It kinda changes what you may have been trying to say.
I rob myself by sometimes allowing myself to worry about what could happen rather than worry if it does in fact happen.
It’s one of those things though, that by worrying about it, you are all ready with methods to overcome, but sometimes that solution is not required and you wasted valuable now time with un-required future thought time.
Regarding this whole issue about different me’s; I’m a very different person when I am dealing with an arrogant person. I become more arrogant, or the opposite extreme. I have no consistency in either childish behaviour. Usually I get more arrogant when I see another person’s arrogance as completely unfounded by the reality they display in the present.
Childish me comes out when I want to seem more worthy than I actually am. Professional now me comes out when I feel I am actually as worthy as I think I am and old me comes out when I am in social contexts where a lot of people younger than me are acting like their now me’s have realized that their current environments require a childish them. (not sure which me came up with that one??)
how do we get ourself back into our now…through the conscious effort to stop, want it then get it.
@spitfire3dc hahaha indeed it did change the word. in any case, yes, I think you understand what I mean. a child who is in my life now (an actual child) is somewhat emotionally disturbed from some complex trauma he experienced. He regresses himself, so not sure if it is the same thing as what we experience. In any case one day we were in public and he at six, regressed to about three. I as adult me went to help, but when I got there he screamed at me to leave him alone in front of, dare I say, all those people. so guess who shows up to deal with that? Adolescent me who felt the sting of rejection.
Also recently had some trouble that I felt gave me a step back with my mental health. ( I have some PTSD, no other dx, not that there’s anything wrong with that) so during this period, I reverted sometimes to small child me. I wanted someone to hold me, but they didn’t know they were holding little girl me.
I do think my kids sometimes recognize when I have hidden the grown up parts of me somewhere and someone else is coming out.
during these periods I lose time. where did “I” go? why did I let these other people have my present day time? can the me that is me now recoup the time later? would I even want to?
Of course the answer is no.
if we build a future in our mind, does that future now somehow exist because the universe is mental?
what about all those people around me who were losing time when I was growing up? my mom and dad were in grown up bodies, but they behaved as little children most often. Not always. they did behave grown up enough to keep me alive.
why do we all have to suffer while a man-baby runs the country?
I see the time travel a lot where I work, maybe it happens most often for the traumatized.
I have a totem now, I will try that next time I become lost in time.
There was a time in my life where I retreated. At work, I had a client (the husband) that was treating his wife like she did not matter. He left her and took up with his secretary and married her. Now I had the man and his new wife as clients and I cleaned their house as it was transformed from the 1st wife’s colors to the 2nd wife’s colors. The problem in my life was that the 1st wife was ALSO my client. I could see her plight and agreed with her angst and rage. I listened to her rant and I could hear some horrendous phone calls she made to her children and the “new” couple, as they tried to raise the children. All of this drama took it’s toll on me. My own marriage was collapsing of it’s own abuses. Finally, the 1st wife came in to the “new” couple’s home at 6 am in the morning and shot her ex-husband and his new wife. I came to work to clean for the new couple and it was a web of police tape and murder scene. I went to the 1st wife’s house and she was being arrested. I freaked out and left my husband on that same day!!! All of the abuse got to me and I pulled into my turtle shell to heal.
I could see a comparison to a husband leaving his chubby soccer-mom 1st wife for his young secretary as almost the same as my own husband choosing heavy drinking instead of a life with me. My world was full of assholes. I had to close it all down and retreat into myself.
I rented a nice apartment for myself. I filled it with furniture that screamed out to the world “NO MEN ALLOWED!!!” I had tiny pink chairs and a small dining room table with pink plaid chairs around it. My television was small and everything in my apartment was girly-girl pink and pretty. A man visiting me would feel out of place and that was exactly what I was aiming for. My apartment was my comfort zone at the end of my workday. I had to keep on working, but I had my own safe-place to hide in and be a little girl having tea parties with the women in the apartment complex I lived in. I got in that apartment via counseling at the Woman’s Abuse Shelter that was telling me that I matter to myself. So, I took a year to heal, get divorced, and just be me for a year.
I did not lose anything in my year of being selfish. I gained myself. I chose love over all else and turned my life around. I remember the day that my childhood love-of-my-life came to my little apartment. He knew the real me and this apartment did not reflect the real me. As a child in “real life”, I was a tomboy. This apartment was decorated like the “girl” I had never been. I was embarrassed as Lowell Henry felt out of place in my pink safe place. He wanted to marry me and take me away from all of this. He hated the tiny pink furniture, but approved of my pink plaid dining room set. We moved only the dining room table and chairs, along with my kitchen stuff. I started a new life with my first childhood love.
Being that the pink plaid dining room chairs reminded me of my turtle shell of a pink apartment, I have covered the chairs all these years. 27 years of covering the pink dining room chairs with Indian blankets.
Today, I am sitting at that table and the pink plaid chairs are only covered because the pink plaid does not go with the “Pirate” theme —– and the cats keep vomiting on the pink plaid upholstery —– a reaction that I share with the cats, but I don’t actually vomit. I just want to re-upholster these chairs in something that matches the Pirate Ship decor of the room.
My life has finally come to being who I am and I don’t want the reminder of that year that I hid from the world in my pinky safe place. To Immortal Pirate it is merely a nice dining room set that doesn’t match the rest of the room, but he likes the comfortable upholstered chairs. I no longer need anything that reminds me of that long ago year of the pink apartment. I am going to change the color of the upholstery and get on with life. In these 27 years I did a lot of growing up into me.
Now, me is a Pirate!!!!
@ladybarbara this was interesting to read. thank you for sharing. I still feel like you should write a collection of stories for publication. In any case, since I know you I feel like I’ve seen you lose time in 2-3 instances.
@Scarlett Yes, I become childish for a few instances, but becoming something I am not and being completely selfish for a whole year was a big thing. Although I did keep working, my home life was bizarre. I really hate the color pink. I really despise “girly-girly foo foo” and to surround myself in pink powder puff for a year of my life and have tea parties is way out of character for me. It was like I had a mental break-down and lost a year of my life being someone else.
When it was over, it was over all at once in one day. I decided that I was going to move to Los Angeles. The murder case went to court and I testified against the 1st wife murderer. Her trial ended in a hung jury. There was going to be a second trial. There was a chance that she would be freed and she was very vindictive. She would come after me. This lit a fire under my ass. Get out of town fast!!! Get lost and be unable to go to court for the second trial. I did not want to be within her reach, if she got out. It was a fight-or-flight issue. I owned a house in Los Angeles and it was time to move into it and get out of San Diego, CA. I was renting my house to Lowell Henry, my future husband, and I told him I am moving in. He said, “Bring your table and chairs, but get rid of the rest of that furniture.”
A new woman moved into the apartment complex. She loved everything in my apartment! She already had a pink dining room set. So, we carried everything else from my apartment to her apartment and she was thrilled!!! I gave it all to her as a gift.
I dropped the totally fem lifestyle and went back to being me. It was a crazy year, but it was over.
@Scarlett Yes, there have been a few instances where my partner was flirting with other women and my reaction was to get angry and walk out. Once I leave a man I NEVER go back to allow him to hurt me again. I start my life anew and never look back over my shoulder. I had a few of those moments on Soul Pancake when several women said he was coming on to them. My first reaction was to say go ahead, you take him !!! I was willing to never see him again and give her free range to go for it. However, Immortal Pirate explained that it was only a simple (over used) line of “You have eyes I could drown in.” He promised to stop doing that. He did not want to lose me.
He stopped and I stayed. But, I never lost time. I was me the whole time.
@ladybarbara personally I think immortal pirate was losing time in those instances. some part not integrated. trying to fill something up. or maybe just attracted to wounded things. who knows? its a who knows. its not that it means he can’t change it or did. people screw things up. then they get their heads back on straight, or maybe just start to realize what truly matters.I feel like a lot of stuff we think matters doesn’t rele matter very much at all. I sure lost time recently when I learned my own partner had done similar things. I reverted back to a teenager and then a child. Later I can take a step back and realize that my partner is suffering. Something hurts and he is trying to stop the hurt by running around doing things. Faulty wiring, if you ask me. I don’t know what will happen next. Haven’t thought that far ahead, but I can know that everyone suffers.
@Scarlett I don’t think that Immortal Pirate lost time, or even regressed. It was a time before he made any commitments to anything, or anybody. He was a single man and had the freedom to flirt and date anyone he wanted to — as all unattached and uncommitted men will do in total freedom. In the dating market — so to speak — there were perspective mates in every direction.
As for me, I was traveling 368 miles in each direction just to see him. From my perspective, if he was still shopping around for perspective partners, then count me out. I don’t compete. Especially since I had to drive a long way to visit with him and take time out of my California life to stay a few weeks. Dating him was a pain in the patooty — from my perspective. Going through all that trouble just to see him, while he went through no hardship at all, was wearing on me. When I saw that there might be competition from other women, I was ready to throw in the towel.
It was a shit, or get off the pot situation. He had to choose. I am glad he chose to commit to me. From there, I reciprocated and made the grand gesture of committing to him —– and here we are.
“Woman hole” or “worm hole”, either one…they are somewhat the same. By passing through the birthing canal (only once mind you) you traverse from one universe to an other. To pass through a spacial anomaly commonly referred to as a worm hole, you traverse from one universe to an other, which may explain how I was able to travel from my galactic origin, (Defused Galaxy), to this one, (Milkyway Galaxy) 258000+ years ago.
Have I lost time? Hard to say, as time is the one thing that I have pondered for a very long time…
@immortal_pirate yes, that makes sense and is true!
@immortal_pirate
But do you “lose” any time . . . pondering time for such a long time?
@griz No, should I?
@immortal_pirate
How can benefit, be loss?
What if those experiences of being “not in time” . . . are an essential and integrated part of us, in that particular time?
I’m a person who could anguish greatly about all the time “I’ve lost” . . . or am perhaps currently losing? But that is a miserable game to play on oneself! It’s like we’re losing even more time, anguishing all the time we might have lost! But I’ve accepted the fact that even as wonderful as things are now, I quite literally could not have “done this years ago”. I just wasn’t ready.
This goes back to my daily morning assertion, “May the timing always be right”. It’s like a form of psychological masturbation to retreat into a room in my mind and play out games of how things now could be so much better if things back then had not been so. Or how much better I could enjoy this moment if only __________ had happened or existed, not happened or not existed.
I also like how we create all of these “psychological conditions” that really are just exercises of Humans being Human . . . perhaps as some “buffer” against us becoming better integrated as a person (or perhaps as a hoped-for proof against the dreaded blame?).
I don’t really keep track of how many points in a day I may “”switch”” by the given definition — because how can something that is fully integrated . . . “switch”.
When you deal with me face-to-face, you get “all of me”; from infant to child to teenager to young adult to old fart; from physical bag of aging bones to immortal spiritual journeyer! I shift gears as needed. And I don’t really know if people around me are aware of it. I’m usually aware of what part of my journey/reality I’m pro-acting (or reacting?) from, or drawing wisdom from. But not always.
And that’s fine; because that’s part of being a more fully integrated person.
(Also pointing out, that remote electronic forums give one more time to think, ponder, explore before constructing a reply — and even the ability to go back and edit or totally nuke a response as if it never existed!)