There is such a drive in our society to “not lose”. It makes us limit our movements, hedge our bets, shrink back from the unknown . . . never reach our fuller potential.
How about you? Are you afraid of losing?
© 2026 – SoulSequel
14 responses to “Only the person who has never learned and grown from a loss, needs to fear losing.”
I once worked for an ambulance service and it was there that I first heard a death rattle and the sound a person makes when shot in the head and shutting down.
A few nights ago. I heard that sound and it brought me out of a sound sleep. The first thing I thought was terror of loss. I listened for Immortal Pirate to breathe. No sound came from him. He was not breathing. I shook him gently — gently. I thought that maybe I had only had a dream of hearing that death rattle sound. But still, he was not breathing!!! I know not to startle a man with PTSD that has known the terror of war and being a POW. One can get slugged in the face. But still, he was not breathing!!! I sat up in bed to try to wake him, but dodge out of the way if his fists fly. He began to breathe again. He began to snore the kind of snore that the neighbors can hear.
I settled back on my pillows to go back to sleep. My adrenaline was rushing and I could not get back to sleep for awhile. Then, he made that death rattle noise again and stopped breathing!!! I heard it for sure this time!!! I poked him. I gently shook him again. He still did not breathe. It took a lot of shaking his arm to get him to breathe again.
Having lost my late husband as he died in bed. I know that loss.
Until the early morning hours, I listened to Immortal Pirate snore and ….
thankfully breathe. It was music to my ears. He snored and the cat started his morning meowing. —— music to my ears and I fell asleep until nearly noon.
@ladybarbara
That sounds like sleep apnea. I had a friend from the camp that suffered very badly from this. Several of us as ski bums shared an open flat in Calgary for a season. It was astounding how long he could go without actually breathing.
And it was no wonder what a wreck he was during the waking hours, as he just spent a night locked in mortal combat for his very survival.
There are treatments for it, like a positive Airway ventilation system. They are a pain to get used to, but those who do report very positive results.
We all have an innate fear of loss. What my post is about, is how we handle it; or are handled by it.
If we learn and grow stronger from it, there is far less chance of the fear running away with us.
@ladybarbara I’m still here…thank you.
@ladybarbara That sounds like sleep apnea…I just saw griz’s response. I have the breathing apparatus that griz mentioned.
I learned about the issue and what happens when we get older is that the muscle under our tongue becomes atrophied to a degree and when you are lying on your back; your tongue falls backwards and blocks the airway. You literally have no oxygen getting to your lungs. The brain senses it and then sends a shot of adrenaline into your system to wake you up. Hard to get a restful sleep while adrenaline is activated.
I used t get about 5 hours of non restful sleep. Since I got the system and my fitbit; I have been able to measure my sleep in REM, light and deep sleep. I now average about 7.5 and and the correct proportions of stages.
Really worth checking it out in my opinion.
@spitfire3dc Thank you for this. I will call this to his attention to read it. It is a serious disorder. Immortal does go through his days as if he has not had enough sleep.
@spitfire3dc OK, I looked up Fitbit and it looks like a watch that measures your pulse. How does wearing that have any effect on when you stop breathing in your sleep?
@ladybarbara The FitBit Charge 2 does measure your pulse, but it also measures other things like stairs climbed, sleep pattern, kilometers walked and calories burned. I have an app that is synched with my Fitbit that records my data and then graphically illustrate the results. Last night I got 8 hours and 24 minutes of sleep. Kinda wonky, but I fell asleep on the couch before I went to bed. 14% of my rest included being awake, I was in REM for one hour and eighteen minutes or 13%, I was in light sleep for 65% of my rest and deep for 44 minutes. Deep is important for physical repairs and regeneration and is usually less that what younger people experience. That’s why our wrinkles don’t disappear.
A lot of this is based on our pulse.I have a resting heart rate of 62 BPM. That’s pretty low which is a relatively good thing. My Fitbit allows me to set targets. I target at least 10,000 steps a day and try to walk 8km. I try to make sure I get my heart rate into caloric burn levels for at least 60 minutes a day and ensure I climb 10 flights of stairs every day. If I am short on any of those at around 8pm, I do what I gotta do to hit the numbers.
The equipment I use to combat sleep apnea looks like this
https://www.cpap.com/productpage/fisher-paykel-icon-auto-cpap-machine.html
That is an entirely different issue as I described in my previous post. the tongue muscle can’t be strengthened. I should know. I yap up a storm and my tongue muscle is still weak. Forcing the air into my lungs when I sleep is the solution. I don’t snore anymore which is why I investigated the solution. My wife is grateful for this. I am grateful because I get more sleep. If adrenaline kicks in to wake a person up to breathe, it is harder to fall back asleep. A good night’s rest is important. Our bodies repair themselves while asleep. The better quality the rest, the better quality the repairs.
@spitfire3dc Thank you. I will have Immortal Pirate read this. He spends nearly half of his sleep hours in his recliner with a cat in his lap. He catches naps through the day. I think the cat on his lap brings his blood pressure down. —– Unless the cat was the one that made your blood pressure go up in the first place.
At least, you live in a place where taking a walk outside is pleasant. Here in Arizona, it gets too hot to venture outside for more than a few minutes of standing in the shade of the porch and realizing that it is scorching hot outside. I once melted the soles of my Birkenstock sandals by just walking across the street to get the mail. We lack exercise here in the Valley of the Sun. It feels more like the surface of the sun. But, Immortal Pirate says it is better than having to go out and shovel snow.
@ladybarbara
Put one on the cat just to be sure!
@griz That would be easy. Our cats never venture away from our yard. It is too hot. Most of the day they lounge on the sofa, the pirate ship, and dining room chairs.
I believe this. Post traumatic growth happens when someone expands after a loss not to mention that it ups our empathy quotient. The more we experience in life, the ups and the downs, the greater we will be able to relate to others.
I can’t say that I am not afraid of losing. the thought of losing makes me sad.
@Scarlett
You wouldn’t be human if it didn’t make you sad; didn’t cause a full-bore grief reaction in you. The point is that positive growth after trauma/tragedy gives one better assets for handling it.
For handling life! For even the Ancients knew that life is a tragedy.
And what one learns can help not just them, but others as well.
I don’t crave tragedy. I would not be right in the head if I did. But neither do I fear it as much as I once did. Because I know I have a respectable skill-set for effectively dealing with it: and then as I succeed I will become even stronger.
For myself and for others. Almost losing my dad over Christmas was a considerable exercise in this.
I can say I don’t like it, but what’s important to me is what happens next. Getting back up.
My attitude gets motivated by loss. I have had a few experiences where people who have knocked me on my ass have discovered just how persistent I can be in response. Mind you…when a 250 pound behemoth on skates would knock me down; I doubt I would take a run at him, because there is persistent, and then there is stupid.
I think I can say I am not a quitter where my capacities can manage to effectively respond.
@spitfire3dc
And more challenging exercises of it give us the opportunity to expand our competence.
Life is tragic. We don’t need to go looking for it. But those who can turn it into triumph are truly the inheritors of much.