People leave. That is a fact of life. However, when members of your community go away for sooo long, and some never to return, it makes one begin to examine things.
A small trickle of water passes through a depression in a field, creating a small stream. If fed by enough rain fall or snow melt, the small stream becomes a bigger stream, which erodes its banks to make it wider and washes over rocks to make it deeper. With more rain and seasonal melt, the stream becomes a river, with rapids and pools, maybe a water fall or two…
Then comes a drought. No rain, no seasonal snow melt to feed the river, and it begins to dwindle. The river narrows to a small stream once more. Its banks erode from wind rather than water, weeds take over where once water flowed. The stream continues to shrink to a trickle. The pools, once teaming with life, shrink to stagnant puddles. Eventually, the trickle ceases, and weeds reclaim the land. Such is the cycle of life…
To me all of Humanity is a family. Some are so distant, you never get to know them; or some closer but you still really don’t get to know who they are. Some are close but drift away. Some are suddenly and tragically taken from you.
I lost a really, really good and close friend from Germany last year to cancer. I’d never physically met her, but we were as close as any brother or sister could be. We shared practically every triumph and tragedy of the other. (She had the foresight to instruct a friend to notify me of her death, so I would have some kind of closure other than just “dead air”.).
The same thing happened with @BackWatching last year. I was getting nothing but silence from her and suspected she’d succumbed to her various conditions, until one day her son I’d never met called, noting that his mother had had numerous calls from me on her phone record. I appreciated that so much.
I was rather close to @thomas from the group here, having spent some time with his wonderful family a few years ago. He disappeared without a trace after hurricane Harvey. He’s still MIA, with my every attempt to find him failing.
We are like the portion of a family that dedicates to staying in touch. We commit to discussing things — even things we have strongly-differing opinions on — and coming back together again after everything has settled.
I stay . . . because that is what one does with family. Sometimes separations are unavoidable. But if I can avoid being separated from family, I will do it.
Because I know first-hand what it is like when there’s just silence . . . where an interesting and valued living being used to be.
@Scarlett
He has 3 wonderful daughters. The youngest is an infant. The oldest is a classic aloof young teen, very artustic. The middle one is a curious outgoing spark of life. His wife is an extraordinarily intelligent and protective force of nature.
I miss them greatly, but count myself fortunate to have known them even if just for a moment.
I sat with a Sangha for the better part of a year. The leader once said something about grieving the loss of members from short leave of absence to permanent leaves, but that it is a normal cycle and we should feel fortunate to sit together for however long we are contracted to sit together (soul contract).
That is something that stuck with me not just in meditation but in life. People, I feel, are out into our lives for a very specific purpose, and once that purpose has played out, they take their leave from my life. It doesn’t mean I dont miss them, or that I’m happy they are gone, but that they taught me a valuable lesson, or that I helped them through something and in some way grew from the experience.
Internet relationships are no different than physical ones in that sense, at least to me.
I stay because I like some of the questions brought up. While I do think a lot, I don’t usually think about stuff like is usually asked on this site. It’s refreshing from time to time. It’s one of the few sites I use where I can be myself that deals with these types of questions and ideas.
As for a dysfunctional family thing, hard for me to say. My emotions and mentality has changed over time and is making that kind of murky. We could be though. I can see how like my family is kind of a dysfunctional one and how it could be similar to some things here. I have people that I have had in my family who was there for a while and now we never really talk, or a family member stealing, or half the family distancing themselves from the other half. It can be a mess, frustrating, and upsetting.
Sometimes, people just need to go and maybe take care or find themselves. The internet in general can be toxic enough to where people may want to unplug for a long time. When people leave, I rarely (if ever) find it even remotely personal, unless they express that it is. It is a shame sometimes, but they gotta do what they gotta do. Just can only wish the best.
7 responses to “What do you think our problem is?”
A small trickle of water passes through a depression in a field, creating a small stream. If fed by enough rain fall or snow melt, the small stream becomes a bigger stream, which erodes its banks to make it wider and washes over rocks to make it deeper. With more rain and seasonal melt, the stream becomes a river, with rapids and pools, maybe a water fall or two…
Then comes a drought. No rain, no seasonal snow melt to feed the river, and it begins to dwindle. The river narrows to a small stream once more. Its banks erode from wind rather than water, weeds take over where once water flowed. The stream continues to shrink to a trickle. The pools, once teaming with life, shrink to stagnant puddles. Eventually, the trickle ceases, and weeds reclaim the land. Such is the cycle of life…
@immortal_pirate I enjoyed reading that.
To me all of Humanity is a family. Some are so distant, you never get to know them; or some closer but you still really don’t get to know who they are. Some are close but drift away. Some are suddenly and tragically taken from you.
I lost a really, really good and close friend from Germany last year to cancer. I’d never physically met her, but we were as close as any brother or sister could be. We shared practically every triumph and tragedy of the other. (She had the foresight to instruct a friend to notify me of her death, so I would have some kind of closure other than just “dead air”.).
The same thing happened with @BackWatching last year. I was getting nothing but silence from her and suspected she’d succumbed to her various conditions, until one day her son I’d never met called, noting that his mother had had numerous calls from me on her phone record. I appreciated that so much.
I was rather close to @thomas from the group here, having spent some time with his wonderful family a few years ago. He disappeared without a trace after hurricane Harvey. He’s still MIA, with my every attempt to find him failing.
We are like the portion of a family that dedicates to staying in touch. We commit to discussing things — even things we have strongly-differing opinions on — and coming back together again after everything has settled.
I stay . . . because that is what one does with family. Sometimes separations are unavoidable. But if I can avoid being separated from family, I will do it.
Because I know first-hand what it is like when there’s just silence . . . where an interesting and valued living being used to be.
@griz that is so sweet. I miss @thomas, too.
@Scarlett
He has 3 wonderful daughters. The youngest is an infant. The oldest is a classic aloof young teen, very artustic. The middle one is a curious outgoing spark of life. His wife is an extraordinarily intelligent and protective force of nature.
I miss them greatly, but count myself fortunate to have known them even if just for a moment.
I sat with a Sangha for the better part of a year. The leader once said something about grieving the loss of members from short leave of absence to permanent leaves, but that it is a normal cycle and we should feel fortunate to sit together for however long we are contracted to sit together (soul contract).
That is something that stuck with me not just in meditation but in life. People, I feel, are out into our lives for a very specific purpose, and once that purpose has played out, they take their leave from my life. It doesn’t mean I dont miss them, or that I’m happy they are gone, but that they taught me a valuable lesson, or that I helped them through something and in some way grew from the experience.
Internet relationships are no different than physical ones in that sense, at least to me.
I stay because I like some of the questions brought up. While I do think a lot, I don’t usually think about stuff like is usually asked on this site. It’s refreshing from time to time. It’s one of the few sites I use where I can be myself that deals with these types of questions and ideas.
As for a dysfunctional family thing, hard for me to say. My emotions and mentality has changed over time and is making that kind of murky. We could be though. I can see how like my family is kind of a dysfunctional one and how it could be similar to some things here. I have people that I have had in my family who was there for a while and now we never really talk, or a family member stealing, or half the family distancing themselves from the other half. It can be a mess, frustrating, and upsetting.
Sometimes, people just need to go and maybe take care or find themselves. The internet in general can be toxic enough to where people may want to unplug for a long time. When people leave, I rarely (if ever) find it even remotely personal, unless they express that it is. It is a shame sometimes, but they gotta do what they gotta do. Just can only wish the best.