What is your Big DreadfulBirthdayNumber? What age did you turn that freaked you right the Eff Out?!
41. I think my BigDreadfulNumber is 41.
Im only going to be able to say Im 40! for another 41 days. how bout that! (yes i notice the pattern in the numbers, this is part of what got me going…)
I think most people have that age/number that they turn that kind of freaks them out. 30/35/40 usually, right? I remember my sisters friend bursting in to tears on his 30th birthday. So far my numbers have made sense. Most of the big ones have been excited. And yes Dahlings, I am well aware that I have plenty more and bigger milestones ahead. But I’m feeling this one in a way that feels less than pleasant… like, I think I’m on the verge of Freaking the Eff Out! (ok maybe i’ll just go drink some tea, do some yoga and relax already)
When I turned 40 it felt like the first birthday in a long time worth noting. dont get me wrong i LOVE me some birthdays. but the number, the accomplishment, that is what I am talking about. I Loved it! This is 40! Damn, that feels great to say! but This is 41? Gross! This has me Freaking out! Like, 40 is like ooo impressive, but 41 is like What the heck are you doing woman?! git to it already! or at least that how it feels tonight.
This isn’t a crisis, but maybe it can be a catalyst. Ok Im babbling again. What is your Big DreadfulBirthdayNumber? Did you experience this? what did you do with it? does it even really matter? what is it all about?!
© 2026 – SoulSequel
20 responses to “What is your Big DreadfulBirthdayNumber? Why? What is it all about?!”
I woke up on my 30th birthday. My hair was long, sleek and dark brown. My husband was planning on taking me out to dinner for my birthday. I wanted to look extra special. About 9:00 am my Mom called to wish me a happy birthday. Then she asked when I was going to get a short haircut, because a woman should never have long hair after 30 — and she never wanted to see me in a ponytail, ever again. After the call, I felt terrible, and old. I cried and my neighbor suggested that I get a perky haircut.
Once in the beauty parlor chair, the stylist suggested that I go blonde. In several processes she lightened my hair, bleaching it past several shades of red — to blonde. I HATED THE RESULTS !!! I wanted her to cut it all off! Shorter!!! Get rid of it! I left there and cried my eyes out at the neighbor’s swimming pool. I went for a swim. The chlorine turned my hair the color of lettuce — GREEN!!!!
The kids came home from school and rolled with laughter. I looked like I had a salad on my head!!! A few tomato wedges and I’d be a natural.
I cried so much that by the time my husband came home to pick me up for our big date, our dinner out, which he secretly set up a surprise birthday party with all our friends at a trendy place … My face was red and swollen, my nose was red and swollen, my eyes were red and swollen, and I had short spiky GREEN hair.
“WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!” he yelled.
“I’m 30 and I wanted to make myself beautiful !!!”, I cried.
“Well, it isn’t working.” He quipped.
My son’s friend spiked my hair and dressed it up with glitter for “Party Hair”. I felt like a circus freak. It took months to grow that shit back out to look human again.
From then on to now, I always start saying the new age number long before I turn that age. It gets me used to it.
we all have those moments dont we @ladybarbara ! thank you for sharing from the heart as usual! i have felt this way quite a few times about myself when ive brought on a physical change. ive learned some lessons that is for sure. i dont like this number yet but ive got time to get used to it still. i want to CELEBRATE 40! can i just say im “in my 40s” for the next at least 3 or 4 years instead of the number?! lol
I stopped counting at 258000, that’s why I put a + at the end of it. Like this…258000+
I think its going to be 60, but I also thought it was going to be 40, then 50. But then they come and go.
Maybe the worst thing to do is think about it rather than just going with the flow. Celebrate that you got as far as you did when many don’t.
I think a practical way to deal with the whole age thing is to continue to set goals. Something to aim towards. Arriving at the target is less important than the dynamic of moving towards it.
Side note; We went to a wedding over the weekend of an Aunt & Uncle who were celebrating their 65th Anniversary by renewing their vows. They never had the white dress/tuxedo wedding originally. They had 9 children and raised them all in a 2 bedroom house. Watching them and comparing them to others at the banquet the same age, you would have thought that they were 30 years younger. They have always had an energy that they choose to display and they laugh a LOT, especially at each other. Laughing has to be the secret to feeling young. Cynicism feeds something different…I’m glad we’ve had this conversation.
that sounds like a good pair @spitfire3dc !
maybe it will come and go. maybe i need to think deeper. why do i feel this way about a number? i think because i feel like i should be doing better with life? so, goals are a good way to deal with that!
I’m 40 next week 7/19
@Jear77
how do you feel about that?!
@BelleMadre I am well aware of my mortality. I’ll probably be dwad in 20 – 40 years.
I don’t pay attention to that stuff. It’s slightly embarrassing when people ask my age, because I have to think about it to answer them.
i have to do the math whenever im thinking about how old my siblings are, and that feels kinda like i should be doing better. sometimes i just make something up cause math-gag
I have never had issues or hangups with age. As you know, I am grey haired (silver actually) and I have only dyed my hair once. I embrace my age. I am knocking on door of 60 years old. The number sounds old, and it is old; but I don’t feel like a 50+, pushing 60 years.
Happy Early 41st birthday!
thanks dear @Gina ! i guess we are how we feel right? today i feel alright, probably the distractions of a busy mama keeping me grounded but also in the clouds.
none for me. I’m 53 and feel 33. I live my life, not my age.
my mantra: “Moving ahead so life won’t pass me by” – Jim Croce
sounds good to me @Fletch !
Which ever one is next really. I dread getting older in general. I always have. I was the one kid that didn’t want to grow up because I knew what was coming and what was going to be expected of me. Each year reminds of how I miss the mark as a person and reminds me I am one step closer to being “old.” I’m still fairly young, so maybe I’ll get to that moment where I actually freak out about a certain age.
@yin im sad today like i just got used to 40. i havent felt this way about a number before i dont think. sadder
@BelleMadre I can understand that. While I don’t think 40 is that old personally, I can see where it could be a number that makes you feel that way. I know the older I get, the worse about I will feel about them (age/birthdays.) I’d be lying if I said I don’t fear the ages like 40-50. Going down that hill is fearsome.
yes, @yin this is it i think. finally admitting to aging (which i do feel is different than “Getting Old” but damn im getting oldER
maybe we can think of it like a bike ride, up hill is a butt kicking but the ride down can be all kinds of fun?
I think I have to agree with @yin somewhat on this one. Every passing year is one less year that I have…I mean, assuming I’ll pass on of old age. But I guess turning 28 was a bit of a deal for me. When I was younger, the age of my mom that stuck out in my mind for some reason was….you guessed it 28. It was funny to turn 28 and realize that my mom was raising me when she was 28 and here I am raising my children at 28 too. But that was several years ago.
Now it’s nothing but double checking myself when anyone asks my age, keeping my fingers crossed that I am carded when buying alcohol, and being mindful of my joints when I work out.
@mj these joints… i get that for sure! my knees and hips oh lawd!