This question was asked by author Laura McBride, who wrote a book I recently finished called, We Are Called to Rise.
This book had many quotes that made me really appreciate this author. I thought this might be a good question for debate.
What say you?
© 2026 – SoulSequel
24 responses to “When are parents accountable for the actions of their children?”
In all facets of their children’s lives until the children reach the age of majority, leave home, and make their own way in society.
@immortal_pirate So once a child is grown, their actions are entirely their responsibility regardless of the experiences that they were exposed to while under the care of their parent?
By law, until they are 18? Right? I will read this later.
I saw your message, I went out to test it and I can’t find your message anymore. Anyhow, When I hit Conversation, then click on Question or Video – nothing happens.
Legally 18, I guess.
@Fletch
Is there no higher standard than legality?
@griz there might be, but that was not the original question.
@Fletch
Actually the original question does not seem to specify.
A lot of people jump to the conclusion that it means just legally.
We need to remember that laws were established to help those who struggle with morality. If we let that become our standard what are we saying about ourselves?
@Fletch What about beyond the reaches of the legal system – how about the weight of our individual self-perceived obligations?
There is a very old piece of wisdom from the Bible that is often misunderstood. Paraphrased, it says that the sins of the parents will be visited upon their children unto seven generations. It simply means that your personal issues that are unresolved, are going to affect your children and your children’s children.
And even if temporal law does not hold you criminally accountable, you will still bear some responsibility for what you’ve unleashed!
Children from good families and upbringings still go bad. And these exceptions are beyond the control (and accountability) of the parents before God.
But children from bad upbringing often go bad; with the ones who don’t, being the exceptional ones.
I cannot say what that accountability will look like, exactly.
But I have zero doubt that it will happen. So take care of your own damn issues before they become your children’s and grandchildren’s. And great great great grandchildren’s!
I know sex is fun, and procreation is your “right”. But a very wise person once told me there is no such thing as a right without responsibility. So keep your pecker\pussy in your pants until you get your own adult act in gear!
@griz there are plenty of people who take the opposite direction of their parents. My dad’s mom was a party animal who didn’t treat her kid(s) right. He himself got out of her mindset, married my mom, worked for many years, retired *early.* But a few things steered him differently – like being raised partly in the military home despite his mother being alive. Though I have a theory that he’d still have ended up the same because of his indomitable will to prove wrong his mother.
@Jear77
There are some who managed to turn a parental negative into a positive; and in doing so can exempt their entire branch of the tree from a family curse.
But their reaction (over-reaction) to escape that curse can also spin off into other complications for their children.
And that’s just the nature of “sin”: it casts a very long shadow and is costly to clean up. Avoiding it in the first place is always preferable to trying to clean it up afterwards.
And interestingly, even Old Testament-style religion process of rote obedience to rules offer good prevention against the process starting. But offer little in the way of clean up after someone in your past has initiated a family curse.
And kudos to your dad. You say that “plenty” of people escape. But the truth is that plenty more and do not. And this means that you have some good genetics on your side to help you overcome the things that stand against you.
@griz it is a coin toss to be sure! But a coin toss is still even odds! Those are odds I can deal with.
@Jear77
Perhaps a rigged coin toss!
I just deleted my bull shit response that laid no claim to accountability, but the reality is, in my heart, I accepted accountability the moment I was being considered as a device to make physical contact with a vaginal wall.
If I live my life with a desire to be appreciated; I suppose I should do things for which sincere gratitude can be felt…not said.
@spitfire3dc So with that being said, how long do you feel that parental accountability is acceptable?
@mj Until they don’t need you anymore. I’m not saying to empower their expectation necessarily that you always have their back. Sometimes the accountability manifests as not being there. If your absence is a conscious exercise in helping them recognize their own self reliance; less is more.
18 is that magic age, and when they leave home for a life of their own.
Although, one of my sons was fond of stealing candy from a local store and his brother was a tattle-tale. So, I had the owner of the store make my thief/son do work in the store to repay his theft/debt. The owner would make the boy sweep the floors. I know that, as his mother, I was accountable for my son’s theft. One time, I requested that the store owner hold my son there and call the police. When the police showed up, my son peed himself with fear of being arrested. He got a good talking to from the Officer. Still, I was accountable for his actions. We did not have problems with him stealing after that police encounter.
@ladybarbara So once a child is grown, their actions are entirely their responsibility regardless of the experiences that they were exposed to while under the care of their parent?
@mj Yes. If my son steals things, now that he is 51 years old, then it is his problem. It stopped being my problem when he turned 18. If there is arrest or jail involved, it is all his own responsibility.
Very hard to say. One would need to know how the child was raised and if that had anything to do with why it took the action that it did. You also have to take into account the intent of the parents and also understand that they aren’t mind readers. Some kids rebel against the parents, some follow the rules. If the parent is ignorant on what type of kid they have, they could push them to be something they never intended. Considering all of that, people may want to judge them mainly in the more severe cases where you can clearly see if there was child abuse or neglect that could lead to the child doing what it did. Parents also should know that these things can last for the child’s entire life, so I feel there is still some accountability for them to have when the child is an adult. Maybe not legally, but morally. It’s a tough thing to judge.
@yin Thanks for your thoughts. I agree on much of what you said.
that there is a Good question! i guess id say as long as they live at home… but in some senses legal age of majority? that seems to be a popular response, probably a true one.
accountable, responsible… hand in hand those go!
@BelleMadre This question came from the character in the story I read who was reflecting on how she raised her son and how her decisions created hardships in his development. Having children, this is something that I think of. I know that as parents we really only have one shot at this!
@yin touched on this by saying that perhaps we have a limitation on legal accountability, but I wonder about our moral accountability. I wonder when a parent feels they are completely unbound to the actions of their children – both positive and negative.
Legally, 18, but children are making life-altering decisions on their own long before that age.